I only need a friend right now
I’d love for you to be that for me
but I’m not sure either of us knows how
my intention is not to cause harm or distress
I’m still trying to figure out where I am my best
I hope you know me well enough
to not take this personal…
that I love you, I’m sure I always will
I just have a lot of stuff to work through from Brazil…
i met a gal
and showed her how
I frame my window
to see the world
with clear glass panes
seeing the light of the sun
explaining that it will rain
and suggested she try to reframe.
she smiled and said
she felt good around me
and would try as well
to turn that key.
my other friend said
my presence is intoxicating
that its so different when I’m around.
i said i will never know
what its like when I’m not in tow
i only know what i know
and i only know how to be me…
Last night I spoke with a long time girl friend that I have known for a good 14 years… Life has taken us in different directions yet we still seem to have similar trials… I found myself telling her all of the things that I know I should adhere to as well. About being good to yourself, about making sure that you are healthy before extending your self to another person. About taking the time to stand on your own, to learn about your own soul, develop your thoughts on your own, to be strong and aware of who you are, without relying on a man to fill in the gaps. About the glory of being a woman and how it is essential to not take the freedom we have in our generation, here in America, for granted. That life is full of endless possibilities and there are so many options available at any given time. To not worry too much about trying to compromise or adjust within a relationship if there are fundamental differences that just don’t jive. To not focus too much on the future and just focus on what is happening right now. To surround your self with positive energy in your best environment where you feel the most love. To listen to the inner voice as there is always a reason when you hear it. Most importantly to keep striving for honesty in both mind and heart as good will be inevitable. Great love will come but only after Great love is found within your own soul…
The beauty about interacting with others is that you are able to have a conversation. Specifically when you are surrounding yourself with those who are worthwhile, that have attributes that compliment yours so you can continue to learn and vice versa. To be able to flow in a conversation about love and life and being is very special… to share a part of you, right now, with another is absolute love.
I am so blessed to have such incredible women in my life. They are beautiful souls that I learn and grown with each time we interact. Just writing this brings such warmth and love for them, my self and life.
I talked to an old friend today, someone I spent time with a long time ago, she said she had been looking for me and that she was moving. It was great to hear her voice, I had been recently thinking of her as well as she signed my going away print of the hotel when I left years ago, so the timing was perfect. I love how that works out.
A lot has happened since we last spoke, her daughter and grandchildren had already moved out East and her and her husband leave at the end of this week. They traveled around a bit and found a farm in Missouri where they will soon be calling home together. This made my heart smile and I know she could hear it over the phone. I wished her the best and we agreed to try to not lose touch like that again.
I gave her a brief nutshell of what has happened in my life and that I am writing about it now, I told her I didn’t regret going at least I found out that it wasn’t true love, that it was what it was and I have grown from it. I said it was a hard stage of life, but that I am glad I went through it. She commented that I have been so sheltered in life. I agreed. I have. I have been very sheltered in a lot of ways, but I didn’t ask her in which ways, I just assumed we were speaking of the same way… she said that I didn’t even know how sheltered I was… and I said, of course I didn’t… I didn’t think I was sheltered… I can see that I have been very sheltered. It was interesting that this would come about in a nine minute conversation after not being in communication in a couple of years.
This stayed with me and when Rachel returned home for lunch I told her about the conversation and she said she also thought I had been sheltered, but then she reframed and said that sheltered wasn’t the word she would choose, she thought for a moment, and said that I was priveleged. Priveleged and I didn’t know it. She then asked me if I realized how much inner beauty I have because of this. She said that I have inner beauty that shines to my outer beauty, that my inner beauty is just as wonderful as my outer… I didn’t know how to take such a comment or compliment, but I tried and I replied that at times I feel like I do, but other times I really don’t and it isn’t something that I think about… she said that was part of it…
She says to me
You don’t know your inner beauty
do you?
You feel you’ve been sheltered
but I think you’ve been priveleged
you don’t know your limitations
you haven’t experienced a lot of rejection
like most have with time
I say I’ve just been really lucky
to have had great people around me
gorgeous, wonderful, kind people
who are deserving of the trust I give
and they have shown me that its okay just to be
I’ve just been really lucky in life
to have been in really great environments
along my path of life…
I have experienced a lot of positivity in life
it has affected me and I love that
I am fortunate
so call it priveleged or sheltered
I sure am glad to be who I am. 😀
You have to know both heaven and hell
to know what to wish when throwing your penny in the well.
It’s important to be acquainted with both sides
it will definitely help you to make the most of the ride
avoiding the empty holes and knowing when to glide.
I do know now there are just a few in which I can confide
As of late I’ve called them soul sisters, you bet they’re bonafide.
We, together, know whne its safe to no longer hide
You see, when you are of this special clan
you’ll never have to worry – You’ll always have a helping hand
they are the handful that really understand
Amongst us we share our dreams and love freely
we give all we have completely.
We love to dance and just let go
and to witness such is quite a show.
Of women being free to be who they choose
because there’s so much more to win that to lose.
Let’s enjoy and laugh and share great moments
Remember when in Rome, do as the Romans.
We create our own world, full of beauty and honesty
a place that is safe for each of us to be
together we will be ourselves, natural and free!
I meant it when I said
I must’ve done something right
because I’m here with you tonight.
I must’ve been meant to be here
exploring and being free of fear
to be myself in my true form
without any pressure to conform
you took me in like I was one of you
you loved me, hugged me and fed me too.
You gave me a safe place
and you took me into space
with thoughts and ideas
using wit and taste.
I could say what I felt
as radical and unconventional as I can be
but you know what I was talkin’ ’bout and let me be free
no arguing, no fighting – even no compromising.
I haven’t felt like this in so long its inspiring.
The laughter was healing
and I’m left with this feeling
that I’m really not alone
and I’m getting back into the zone.
it’s great to be around people like you
you’re one in a million
of the brave souls that are true.
Thank you for everything
I mean that in the truest sense
I know I can count on you
my new like-minded friends.