love

A Poem: Not Good At Being Alone

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I’m never good at being alone

I’m soft and pink and not made of stone

I’m very blessed that love is who I am

I’ll show it in my ways – I’ll even hold your hand

I’m not really looking for any major commitment

but I do like to create my own little playland

with the one I choose to be my special man. 

I’ll be real good until I’m done

we’ll laugh and kiss, it’ll be super fun

I’ll make you feel like you’re the only one

we’ll be drunk in love like we’ve been sippin’ rum

we’ll share the sheets, we’ll pillow talk some

we’ll sweat hot and heavy and surely we’ll come

I’ll be open and honest – I’ll hold nothing back

I’ll share everything I carry around in my backpack

my admiration, my inspiration, my open embraces

the energy we create will be seen on our faces. 

you’ll be my everything, but you must beware

I’ll try my best to handle you with care. 

I’m not good at intimate relationships

but I’ll roll the dice and raise the chips. 

They say its better to have loved and lost 

than to never have loved at all

Please remember this during the inevitable fall. 

I’ll still think highly of you as I’m leaving the room

and chances are I’ll continue until I’m in my tomb. 

So lets just share our time together while we can

enjoy the moments while we both still stand. 

I’d like to think you’ll be better off having experienced this bliss

maybe that’s bold, but it all starts with one sweet kiss

an opportunity that is so hard to resist. 

I’ll bask in your affection – You’ll get an erection

we’ll travel down an uncharted path without any direction.

A Poem: A Love Gone By

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There are days that I think I’m over you

where you enter my mind just a time or two

then all of a sudden I’m hit real blue

I wish I knew what to say but I haven’t a clue. 

I miss you – I have since I left two full years ago. 

I’m trying my best to catch my own wave at my own flow. 

I’ve grown a lot since the days in my youth

you were always so much wiser and could see the truth. 

I wasn’t there yet so I pushed us both away

I did stupid things nearly every single day 

that didn’t help out in our endeavor

I look back now and can’t believe I ever

acted foolishly like a baboon

with a drink in my hand working the room. 

I was so out of touch – no wonder I couldn’t see you

in your honest and gentle ways that only you knew. 

I wish I’d have known then what I have learned up to now

I’d like to think we’d still be together folding towels. 

It seems silly that I haven’t really moved on

I’ve kept up the charade but I’m not foolin’ a one.

You said we’re like a bad Jack Johnson song

I’m sorry I’ve been so utterly wrong. 

I’ve often questioned how to teach someone who just doesn’t know, 

I still don’t know the answer other than to take it slow. 

You have patience unlike anyone I’ve ever met

and you are still the coolest person I’ve run into yet. 

So how do I recover from all of my mistakes?

I’m shedding my masks now leaving no room to hide nor fake. 

Would you want to know me as I am today?

Would you care what I think or have to say?

Have you written me off or do you remember me on a rainy day?

I love you still – You are a part of me

it’s because of you that I can finally see.

Looking up Love in the Dictionary

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Love. I looked this up in the dictionary yesterday in a grey moment… I see it is up on my dashboard still… why I ask myself now, why? to find someone else’s version of how they can describe an emotion? silly. How can one accurately describe such a feeling anyway? How can we even assume that it is the same from one person to the next? It isn’t, it is totally and completely individual. What I feel when I think of love is different from situation to situation, let alone if I truly try to compare that to another person’s idea of what it means to them. It is like trying to describe a color. The other person will have their own perception of what that color means… we all see things and feel things in a different way, maybe in the same stream, but never exactly the same. So instead of looking up the dictionary version of an emotion that I hold to be confusing, beautiful and crazy, I am just going to feel it out myself and attach the meanings and value that I put onto it… whatever that fuzziness really is.

A Poem: Can I Lay Here?

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Do you mind if I lay here?

here in my bed

its a comfortable place

to be in my head.

 

I promise you can stay a while

we don’t have to talk

just give me a smile.

 

An unspoken language

that we’ll create on our own

it’ll be fit for me and you

uniquely fashioned in our tone.

 

We’ll revel in our delights

never worry – we won’t fight

just promise me

we’ll keep on the light.

 

I’m afraid of the dark

I’m afraid that it’s true

I’ve always been

it makes me blue.

 

So hang out here next to me

we’ll sprout our roots

just like a tree.

 

Hold my hand and come in close

I’ve got nothing to hide nor to boast.

We’ll sit in silence – you and me

painting our world that’s totally free.

A Love Poem

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An incredible sense of love

fills me when I see you

in all your gracious beauty

and your omniscient reign.

You are so natural

so perfect just as you are

nothing else can even compare.

Your light shines so bright

your features so true

lately I’ve come to realize

that its always been you.

I feel a part of you

I think I always have.

You bring peace to my heart

and love to my soul

to be in your presence

I know will never grow old.

To breathe in your air

to caress you with my fingertips

to listen to your whisper

to let you fill me with your spirit

so warm and so true.

I am blessed to experience you

you make me a better person

and I want to thank you

for your timeless love and support.

My Personal Quest

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I really want to know what things are about. I want to know what love is about. I want to know what life is about. I want to know where I fit into the bigger picture. I want to know about spirituality. I want to learn as much as I can about everything that peaks my interest. I want it all.

Can I have it all? I am not sure, but I am sure trying. That is all I can do. I don’t know much about love but I am sure trying to figure it out. I don’t know much about life, but I am sure doing my best to live. I don’t know where I really fit in, but I am trying out different situations to find folks that are more like me than not. I don’t know much about spirituality, but I try to listen to my inner voice as often as I can. I know a little bit about a lot of things so far, but every time something new interests me I try to take the time to learn more than I know now.

I want it all… love, life, happiness, health, light and knowledge. I want to experience everything that I possibly can. I want to know about me in this process. I want to know about others in this process. I want to know. I just don’t know much yet. In fact, sometimes I think I don’t know anything at all. But I do know one thing… I can certainly say that I have been doing my best to find what I am looking for. I just wish sometimes it were easier to know exactly what it is that I am looking for.

Blind, but Starting to See…

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I remember back when I was a freshman in high school, some 14 years ago now, talking to a guy friend telling him that I wished everyone were blind. I wished that we were forced to only look into each others hearts to make decisions on who we chose around us. That we would choose only the highest quality people for who they were on the inside not how they appeared to be on the outside.

 

My first music festival in 2005, Vegoose, was a turning point in my life. I went originally to see Jack Johnson whom I had been listening for a few years, but had no idea what to expect. It was a brilliant mix of artists, some who I had heard of before, but most that I had not. I liked the beat and the feel of the festival and that scene so much that I really started to get into it. I didn’t really know what it all meant, but I was loving it.

 

Sometime in 2006 I remember a friend posing a question to me… If I had the choice to be blind or deaf, which would I choose? I immediately said that I would choose to be blind, thinking back of my youthful wish. I was still so much into music and moving my body to the beat that I couldn’t imagine not being able to experience it. Along with that, if I were blind then I would be forced to solely rely on my intuition to lead me in the right direction.

 

Then came a huge physical turn in my life… I moved to Brazil. I heard people all the time singing along to songs and not knowing the words and I realized that I also, didn’t really know either. I began on a personal mission to look up lyrics of my favorite songs. This has been so revealing. I didn’t know the lyrics and I certainly didn’t know the meaning of the words that my favorite artists sang. This lead me to start looking up the artists themselves. It inspired me to learn about history so that I could understand the climate of the world and the US at the time the artist grew up and when they wrote the lyrics. I wanted to know why they chose the words that they chose to sing about. I wanted to know why they chose to sing about those topics. I didn’t understand, but I really wanted to so I just started to try. I was blind in another way, for so long.

 

I still don’t know if I really see, but I am beginning to and that makes me feel good. I can only try to do my best in any given circumstance while striving for truth and honesty in every situation.

Good People

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All night I thought about the good hearted people in my life that have helped to shape who I am today. They have helped me to see my world as my world, with endless possibilities. As long as every endeavor is started with honesty, love and kindness then it will work out the way that it is supposed to. It is supposed to work out well, really well. That is what happens when you do approach your life and your decisions with a stong passionate heart, patience and an inquisitive mind.

In a way, when I stepped out of that world that I had surrounded myself in and enveloped myself in a completely different world, I wasn’t ready. I thought that everyone was essentially good with good intentions. That hasn’t always been the case while I have been living abroad. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but on the same note, I know understand those good hearted people that I have come in contact with along my path of life on a completely different level now. I am so grateful that my eyes have opened to this. I am so grateful that I have been so blessed in life to have had the experiences that I have had. My adventures will only get better from here now that my eyes that can see a bit better from my heart than they did before.

Blessed

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Lately in life I have been feeling extremely blessed. I have had such a great life. I have been on a big life adventure in some of the most mystical and special places. Along the way I have come in contact with the most incredible, honest, good-hearted people that have helped to shape my world today. I am so fortunate that my journey has lead me to who I am at 28 years aged. Although I have danced in the rain, literally and figuratively countless times, It hasn’t always been so carefree. It hasn’t always been while standing on a mountain top, in fact I have seen a few deserts, I have trusted people who didn’t understand what that meant. I didn’t know really what that meant either, I hope I do now.

There is this thing, some idea that got into my head when I was young, that I would not make it past my 27th birthday… I think I knew secretly that I would die or something bizarre would happen. Well, I didn’t die, and I am thankful, however, from about that point to where I am today has been the most revealing and inwardly-focused time of my life. Its a little overwhelming to think of at times, but I have been tested to see where I stand on my morals and how much I really practice my values.

I want to share what I have learned about life so far with everyone in my world. I want to keep it going and develop this into something bigger, something more powerful and good. To help spread the positive loving energy to others so that we can really change our world to be how we want it to be, we just have to do it. I will continue on this endless search for the truth and hope that I have gained enough knowledge to understand it. My blessed journey continues.

Finding Your Passion

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Passion is what drives us to do things well, really well. We do our best when we are totally engaged in what we are doing. We always want to do our best, so if that is the truth, then we should always do what we are passionate about. It is interesting that most of my thoughts along this line always head back to “Follow your Bliss” by Joseph Campbell, a great American mystic. This is one of those times.

I saw two great examples of people in action using thier passion to drive them to outdo themselves. The first one was a Badmitton player who was practicing for the big tournament that is being held tonight at the Paulistano Club. He was in the zone. I was walking by and had to stop and watch him. He was so intense, focused and really giving his all to his game. He was totally dressed for the part. He was the oldest of the competitors there, probably in his 50s or so, with a headband, sport goggles, even some kind of patch to help him see better (?) over one eye, a knee brace and new tennis shoes. He was running, sweating and hitting back the birdie every time it came to his court… his passion was unmistakable. I hope he wins tonight, we shall see.

The other was a guest trambone player with Tito Martino Jazz Band, a band that I have been watching every Tuesday Afternoon at the Livaria Cultura on Avenida Paulista since the beginning of the year. He is a tall fellow, I have seen him play a couple of times with them and now that he is a bit more comfortable he just goes for it. He blows that thing with mighty force. He sings the songs right along with Tito, he even does a little dance along with it. He is alive! His enthusiasm and passion draws a great applause each time, creating this great flow of energy which fuels all of us even more. His passion for music and being on stage is unmistakable and you can tell how much he loves it.

Finding and following your passion is everything. First you must figure that out and then the rest can work itself out. Your passion is not going to be the same as everyone else’s, that is why it is our own passion that we must find.