Relationships

Amazing Women

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Consistently in awe

of the amazing women

whom I happen to know

whom I share this journey

in some way,

around the globe.

They are fearless

vulnerable

real

progressive

inherently gorgeous beings.

These women consistently inspire

me, others, everyone…

their butterfly effect is massive

their ripples of truth create tides.

I believe that we are all reflections

so if I can see that they are this

and hold that space for them

because I want to, because I’m compelled

my space is also held

my light is also shown back to me

and we all grow and evolve.

It’s all SO beautiful.

 

There’s Something Inside of Me

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It is the weirdest and simultaneously awesome experience to feel a little human being formed inside of my own body. I’m now at 19 weeks and the movement inside from this baby is constant! Especially when I am sitting down, I feel it tip tapping, stretching, moving, rolling, I’m not sure really what’s going on in there, but A LOT is obviously occurring. If this is any indication of what life will be like for this baby, my guess is that it will have heaps of energy! Naturally I have a lot of energy myself which has definitely declined in an outward way since being pregnant, so I must assume that the baby is getting all of it! It is good that I have an abundance and can freely share!

A few days ago I felt, what seemed like constant movement, for the first full day. Honestly, I was trying to get some stuff done and I found it distracting! Then I felt bad for finding it distracting, but now I just laugh about it. Maybe I’m getting used to it? Maybe now I feel it but realise it’s not something to be worried about and I can carry on with what I’m doing.

I do take time to spend with my belly and this baby inside. I also take time to spend with my husband and have him touch and even talk to the baby through my belly. I’d be stretching it if I didn’t say it was slightly awkward, but I think it’s good. It feels like a nice bonding for this process of rapid growth for all of us. I know soon enough my husband will be able to feel the movements in my belly too and I look forward to sharing it with him as best I can.

It is a constant reminder that I am taking part in the divine process of creation. I have a sign that I made earlier this year that reads “Create Daily” and suffice to say, I think that by the nature of what is happening whilst gestating, that I am fulfilling this goal.

Creating Family

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I was just overcome with the amount of excitement and joy that I have about creating my own family. I never thought that this was in my future and now that it is, it brings tears to my eyes. I didn’t expect that I would start to feel this way, that I would really want to have my own family, my own children, my own husband, creating our world.

To essentially create my own tribe with the people I love the very most even if they aren’t born yet. I get to create our own little dip in the world, our own version of life. I get to share the love that I have, I get to experience their love, I get to expand into this amazing gift of life. It feels like the only real thing that matters right now, creating a loving space for my husband, myself, and our soon-to-be child, and possibly children.

This would not be happening had I not found and seized the moment with my husband. He is the most amazing person and it is with his love and support that I feel like this can happen, and that it is happening. I knew it really early on that he was the person I would spend my life with. I even slipped up and wrote that I knew he would be THE Great Love of my life, not A Great Love as I had intended when I started creating the card. It was so early on in our relationship, nearly three years ago when I wrote it and it’s completely turned out to be true.

This excitement of being able to create my own world with my husband feels so good. It’s hard to describe as I type, but I’m actually tearing up as I write this, it’s the kind of excitement that is so unknown, so deep, and so expansive. I feel blessed. I know I am going to make the most amazing mother. I know my husband is going to make the most amazing father. I know we will create the most amazing and loving family, and this makes me weep with joy.

I just never expected to feel this way. I was so utterly against having children and getting married when I was younger. I am so glad that I have experienced life in such way, that it has changed my perspective on this completely. I wouldn’t change a single thing of the past, no matter how tumultuous, no matter how disorienting it was at times, because it’s from this journey that I have come to this revelatory place. My life is only getting better and better and I am so thankful.

Energy Vampires

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There’s this feeling that comes along when you are talking with someone and they could care less if you are really listening, have anything to say, or what you think. It’s when someone already has what they will be saying next in their mind while you are talking instead of creating a flow of conversation. These people drain my energy in a big way.

I don’t always notice it straight away, but then when I do, I’m usually good about setting up my own boundaries and standing my ground to avoid them and to avoid the situations where I feel drained, depleted, or just frustrated afterward. Granted I do have A LOT of energy. I am lucky like that, but the reason that I do is because I have boundaries and I have ways of expressing myself, and know how to increase my energy levels on my own.

So for all the energy vampires out there… my boundaries are like garlic and a steel bullet… Steer clear from me.

FaceTime

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I’ve lived abroad a total of 5 and a half years of my life. I’ve lived away from where I grew up and away from my family for more than half of my life. You would think that I would have embraced technology with open arms and would have been having major Skype, FaceTime and Google+ Hangouts this whole time. Rather not. I’ve gone way old school instead.

I’ve written letters, I’ve sent cards and I’ve put my emotion onto the paper or cardstock. I’ve created this very romantic penpal kind of thing with my mother in a very unromantic way but one which a mother and daughter share. It’s been great. We actually have rebuilt our relationship this way and it’s been really positive to communicate at a distance.

It’s not that I was running from people or things, but more that I needed to step away from all that I knew in order to become all that I am. I needed to cut it off for a while to meet people where I’ve been, to learn about myself and to really dive into the experiences around me. I don’t regret for a moment how I’ve handled myself.

However, in the last few weeks, I have had more FaceTime or Skype chats and dates than I have in the last few years combined and it feels good. I’m no longer just holding the person in my memory when I think of them, or just reading their Facebook updates, I am actually having a real time conversation and can actually see their face, it’s a whole different experience. Sure it still isn’t the same as literally being face to face and shoulder to shoulder, but it is a great second best.

Technology is amazing and I am so grateful that there are ways in which to communicate and keep in touch and share who we are now and whats going on now. It’s like having a coffee date with someone. It may not happen every week, or even every month, but when it does, it’s great and you both leave it feeling energized and lovely.

Allowing Love

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Embracing my own self love

releasing others from the unattainable task

creating my own happiness

allowing love in – as it is – right now

without falling back on old patterns

nor projecting the future outcome of this, of now

simply enjoying the now- the moment – what is

enveloping my self, my soul in the goodness and grandeur of love

not making demands

letting go of expectations

allowing me to feel without wanting to own my interest

he will come and go

he always will so it seems

but I – I am here – the one with me always

I cannot stall nor stop energy

so i allow the flow to truly run through me

like a river encompassing, enveloping my everything

from my heart to my soul from well above my head to deep into the ground

allowing love with a resting smile upon my face.A

Paperback Romance

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Hot, steamy, straightforward

their relationship exuded passion

like of romance novel – a paperback time travel

together they had magnetism that brought everything near

his thick Brazilian accent and hair boasting a machismo city bravado

flowed well with her cool feminine small town California demeanor

until they’d argue – which they did A LOT!

chemistry and electricity never ended.

A strong attchment grew between them

his masculine power overtook her

but she was not a weak-willed woman…

eventually she slipped away

but he followed – they usually do –

A complex story

a complex relationship

intense

both burning bright

the moon and sun can’t ever coexist in the one view for too long

One or the other…

love and hate – its all passion…

Not Personal?

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How hard it is to “not take things personally”

when in a relationship wiht another

even further when that relationship dissolves

the feeling of rejection by the one whom you love with such intensity

sends a spear directly through the heart

would the pain really stop if the two lovers were reunited?

or would the reasons for the separation only arise again?

Harbor No Secrets

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harbor no secrets

let us be naked

hiding behind nothing

allowing everything to flow

finding our true nature

harbor no secrets from me

between us

lets let ourselves be

be free

be naked

and see where it takes us

let us dance under the sun

run through the fields

and scale mountains

let us dive into the lakes

and swim across the oceans

lets ride our own wave

i’ll smile at you

you’ll smile back at me

as we gaze

finding the universe

through each other’s windows

Unplanned Love

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i see in your eyes how much you love me
i feel how your arms wrap around and embrace me so…
effortlessly, so openly, so naturally
i feel the comfort around you unlike any other
and of all the high vibrational beautiful people
i’ve been around
you are still the one –
the most beautiful and the highest
i’ve yet to encounter
i wish you had more time for me
i know your door is always open
i wish you had more space for me
i know you’ll always make room
i love you, i know this is true
i do
“its the little things” he says
i’ve missed you, me too