Back in the Valley

back in the valley
venturing down from the mountains
and away from the ocean
its all so close
yet it is still a valley, a bubble
the darkness reigns unintentionally
be sure to wear your Sunday best
pain on your mask
and join the congregation
its what you do
no harm, the don’t know any different
they all just need love too
so fit in enough…
then slowly but surely
help them see with love…
by just being who i am
who you are
who they are
who we are

At least I will know

If there is one thing that is for sure

at least I will know

whenever the time comes

whenever I go

that I’ve tried out some options

some different realities

of life here and there

there won’t be regret

nor any confusion

as I’ll have experienced my life

adding to my personal season.

looking out to the grey desert clouds today

after climbing through a rhododendron thicket yesterday

i am reminded that everything is what i make it

every bit of this life is here because its what i choose.

if i stay long enough i’ll know how my soul feels

how it longs or linger or what it finds real

i guess i’ll keep moving

along till i find

the place where i feel the best

where the sun shines bright.

the thing is that the light shines here

and it also shines there

some places a little more

some places a tad bit clear.

the smell of the dry pinion pine

traded for the honeysuckle of north caroline

of course there’s a happy medium in which i will find

i wonder if its the place i started

the one that transcends time

that stays with me wherever i go

that holds steadfast flying high like the crow?

rhyming my way through the roots of my mind

the leaves of my being

and the branches of time

it sure helps me at least i believe

that at least I will know

what life is like because i’ve tried

because i’ve thought about it

because i’ve made my life mine…

Creating Moments and Sharing Life

Creating moments and sharing life. That is what its about to me lately. Sharing in all ways that one can. Sharing the happiness that is created. Sharing the love. Creating memories to store in one’s heart and mind’s eye for another time. To build upon each day making each one better than the last, but not comparing them.

I know I am a social being, this is absolutely no doubt and I have been thoroughly blessed to have had a very full life thus far sharing happiness while living the human experience!

Too Much?

Am I sharing too much of me?

Is that even a possibility?

I just want to be free

when life is filled with such uncertainty

I say it as I feel it

I’m always connected but I just never fit

I know I’m not the only one not engendered from a kit

like one of Nana’s uneven perfect stitches

that all come together with that common thread

turning patches into one big bedspread…

 

I put it out there

no other release can compare

I’m not always fair

but I always care.

 

Don’t bare too much soul

a kind of messenger said to me in a dream

you can’t take it back its not what it seems

then all of the sudden a night sky

turns into a ceiling full of beams.

but it is just me – I must remind –

the same yet different girl still confused by time

who enjoys writing thoughts in a rhyme

which makes her happy and feel quite fine…

Thought on Being Legally Bound…

Is there any thing really wrong about being selfish, developing one’s self first and making that a focal point and continuing to do so as time progresses? How much does one really need to compromise in a relationship? Is a companion all that we can ever really seek in life?

Is there really just one person who will fulfill that gap when you need it? Is that even possible? Can we just get what we need from other people when we need it? Take only what we need and give, if we can, what they are in need of in return? Or further, just give what we need to give, what we can give…

A continuing thought… most likely spurred because I myself have found that I am legally bound, granted in another country, however, still legally bound and in the midst of breaking free from something I shouldn’t have really entered in the first place…where I allowed legal hoops and repercussions to scare me into thinking that I needed to be married to someone whom I did love and was in a relationship with in the said foreign country… masking it with the thought and optimism of love while knowing that if the legal ramifications and country laws were not as they were I wouldn’t have entered…  

Returning to the thought… with divorce in the US being 1 in every 2 marriages ending, doesn’t that mean that we are not as tied into religion as we were? Specifically California having the highest rate of divorce… doesn’t that reflect the lax religious views here? Doesn’t that also lead to the idea that we are more inclined to do what makes us happiest, even if that entails divorce, ending the religious institution of marriage that society tells us we should enter.

Further with divorce, how is it that we are supposed to feel so guilty about it? It is just a religious institution, and if I am not a strict follower of religion and my life is not ruled by religion, should I feel guilty? Should I feel guilty if I no longer feel the way I once did? Should I feel guilty that I have grown into a different person? I don’t think that guilt does me any good at all… why should I take it on when I am not obligated?

It is only my life to live. Shouldn’t I do what makes me happiest in this world? My world is only what I make it and if the person who I am next to doesn’t fit into what I believe I need next to me, is it wrong to be selfish and change the environment? We are all individual anyway… who is to say that the other person will ever be so much like you that you truly can grow old with only them? If I feel like I am on my own path to do the right thing and I realize that includes freeing myself from the bonds of those kinds of relationships, then shouldn’t I do it? Won’t it, in the long run, make the world a better place because I am doing what makes me happiest, what I feel is the best thing I can do for myself to help create this environment of happiness?

Why is it that our society forces us to be legally bound in order to have rights like health care? Health care should be a given right for any citizen living in the world’s most powerful and influential nation. So if you have to get married to have health care, that means that religion and capitalism are tied since health care seems to be totally revolving around money now? Is that a fair assumption?

I can definitely say that I will be more cautious when entering any kind of contract in the future, but in our society doesn’t it almost seem like it is inevitable in order to have rights? Is this where the gay/lesbian rights come in… how unfair that society makes us do this anyway for heterosexual couples, let alone homosexual ones, it is almost like a double blow… isn’t it? Or is it just the same… people who have a different outlook and who just want to love and have rights while living within their own bubble in our current society?

Love and Getting Lost

I am in a stage in life that I am totally in love with. Not that I am not typically in love, that is just how I am, but especially right now. I am just a lover in general and I… Love, yes… love that about who I am. It is much better, in my opinion, to be in love… and I am letting that feeling take me away. Love is the best natural high there is… It brings you to search out the truth in things, it inspires you to appreciate the environment that surrounds you, it helps you to come to revelations through self love and exploration, growth, development and transformation… 

I love to get lost in my thoughts… I love to get totally into it. I love to dance, I was dancing around by myself this morning for a good hour… ah… I just get lost in it… It may not always make sense, but I think that is just how it goes. You have to lose yourself! In order to find whatever you are looking for you have to get lost… Now that may seem way out there, but that is when you find the best things in life… always. When you are out there doing something that you haven’t done before… creating new memories, creating new thoughts, going for it… enveloping yourself in what you are doing right then… letting the passion override all other things… when you do allow this to happen, great things are bound to come… I believe this wholeheartedly… 

Love creates a better world… Love makes everything better.

Random Notes on a New Year’s Morning

Random Notes scribed in my journal on a New Year’s Morning somewhere near Santa Cruz:

 

Be in the place where you can see the most blue skies… where you can get lost in the clouds.

Blue skies like when you are in love…

BE where you feel the most love!

IT all relates to following your bliss, do what makes you happiest and brings you love!

It’s all about the love in all things…

IT should come naturally! 

You know you are in your right place when you aren’t wearing any masks and your arms are open and you’re embracing your surrounding space…

Choose the best! The best that fits you so you can be your very best you… where you understand… know the truth, be honest!

Always strive for truth… that IS the truth! 

Wind blows, clouds swirl, sun casts rainbows, twists and turns, rolls and expands, dissipates and moves along. 

“treading uphill in a slippery bag trying to find my shoes” 

I love the warm winter sun on my cheek.

I’ve missed the great and expansive Pacific Ocean… I love California and it’s majestic and diverse coast… 

I am blessed and thoroughly grateful to be here.

Journal Entry Sunday January 4, 2009

I awoke this morning with an overwhelming sense of oneness with all people – that I’m just like everyone else and, in turn, they are all just like me. Everyone is the same. Its just what we do that differentiates us – but everyone has the ability to be something – its just how much they li8sten to that inner voice as to how far and in what direction they go. Most of that was all predetermined before we got here anyway – just like I chose my particular family so I could learn the lessons about love, patience and being in my life. I used to think that wasn’t something that I chose, but the environment I did choose, how others reacted and how that environment changed- as a child- I didnt’ have control – Of course, in the end and alwatys really – all I can do is be me – do what makes me my best – I have control over my self and my life – and if I choose to go a different route – if I decide to listen to my soul a little more than others to guide me – then so be it 🙂 It is my way – the way I find best suits me – I think that everyone is like this but just not everyone realizes it, accepts it and uses it to better themselves, their soul, in this small amount of time we have in this life…

The Same

You and me we are the same

we only answer to a different name

we both have a book of life

where we have our individual chapters of strife

we both have physical bodies and brains

we both have the ability to take the reigns

just like me if you belief it – its true

making a special moment out of the blue

from the windows in which we look through

you have the choice to do the right thing

to dance to the songs that you sing

to write them yourself and make your own way

to cherish whats within our reach every single day