Month: January 2009

Too Much?

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Am I sharing too much of me?

Is that even a possibility?

I just want to be free

when life is filled with such uncertainty

I say it as I feel it

I’m always connected but I just never fit

I know I’m not the only one not engendered from a kit

like one of Nana’s uneven perfect stitches

that all come together with that common thread

turning patches into one big bedspread…

 

I put it out there

no other release can compare

I’m not always fair

but I always care.

 

Don’t bare too much soul

a kind of messenger said to me in a dream

you can’t take it back its not what it seems

then all of the sudden a night sky

turns into a ceiling full of beams.

but it is just me – I must remind –

the same yet different girl still confused by time

who enjoys writing thoughts in a rhyme

which makes her happy and feel quite fine…

Two Winters in A Row

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What else can you take from me?

I have nothing more to give

I only have my self

and I cannot always be held captive.

 

I want to believe in romantic love

while laying in the meadow watching the stars above

sharing a blanket thats big enough for two

like a magic carpet it will me out of the blue.

 

I know my second winter is more than enough

I’m ready for a warm breeze and to stand tall on the bluff

where I can see the trees and flowers come to bloom

and I can break free from this small enclosed room.

 

I know it will pass as it always does

and soon my cheeks will feel springs kisses

the sky will open up and the sun will shine bright

and I’ll forget about these cold hard days of twilight.

The Mosquito

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I want to kill that mosquito

the one that keeps biting me

and draining my chi

it comes to me in the night

when I have given up the fight

it takes up my energy and doesn’t allow me to write

Please find another body to bother

I want to gain my own closure

but its hard when it is also a haggler

in my mind… possibly so

and even though I’ve left I haven’t fully let go

so it flies around me when my head hits the pillow

I am now a hemisphere away

but it finds me anyway…  

I guess I must really be drenched by the rain

for it to leave me and cause me no more pain.

So Let the Rain Fall!

Leave Me Be Mosquito!

The Cycle

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when we open up and share

when we open up and care

when we start the affair

when we’re naked and bare

in the lovely night’s air

when we decide we are a pair

we’ll embrace and hug like a bear

we’ll be so aware

of each other and our welfare

until one day the dream turns into a nightmare

out of nowhere

and you declare its all in the name of warfare

as you step on my toe and pull my arm hair

as I try to sleep in my comfy nightwear

you exchange a glower for a loving stare

I know it is you speaking from dispair

but I have to leave before before it gets there

you know where I mean and I must prepare

so I run as fast as I can up the stairs

I get on my knees and I say a little prayer

and soon it is over and you say its unfair

that I can just walk away in my old footwear

letting down my bunned long blond hair

trying my best to let go and repair

my dearest true soul and take it elsewhere

beyond where it has been, creating a new lair

where I can be whole again, starting in a new square

eventually I will love again and forget the dispair

I’ll sit in another single armchair

until it is time to share another set of cookware

when others look and say what a great couple they’re

and it all starts again when I am brave and take up the dare

I’ve learned my best not to compare

so I’ll let it be love, precious and rare.

I Love You, Man…

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Way back in the day, back seven or so years now… a lover told me… “I love you, man…” I broke his heart, I didn’t mean to, it was never my intention. He loved me but I wasn’t there. It scared me away needless to say and since he said it in a scene where others were at the time… they then started to tease me about it. Then it just became the saying… “I love you, man…” that we would use endearingly and frequently I might add… 

So now I find myself back in Yosemite where it all began. I opened up a webpage to listen to some music and there I see an ad. The ad is for a movie entitled none-other-than… “I LOVE YOU, MAN” and to top it off… it comes out on my birthday March 20th… 

A funny coincidence? Maybe… It certainly did make me smile… love… what a funny thing… it is amazing how it all comes back around… in some fashion in some way in a time when we are least expecting it… I am going to take this as a friendly reminder of a moment a while back…

The Heart Breaker

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I don’t want to be a heart breaker  

I want to find balance between giver and taker

I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup

I want to love you dearly

But surely I know I will want to break up

I don’t want to break your heart in the process

Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress

I’ll experience what you have to offer

I’ll see how I am affected by it

And as easily as I’ll fall in love

I’ll fall right back out…

Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route

I wish I knew how to be another way

And still be happy and joyful every day

This is why I need time to be alone

Spending days all on my own

Falling in love with myself and who I am

Learning about me and learning how to stand

I will reach down low and stretch way high

I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor

While I let my mind and soul fly

It has to start with me first

I will try to break my heartbreak curse

As one love once said as he sat still

“If you let me love you, I will”

Now its time for me to instill

This thought of love and acceptance

Of hope and repentance

For me first and then for you

Then in my life I can be one of two

I owe it to myself to do this now

I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how

So, I will do what I think is best

Cutting myself off from the rest

Until I figure out a bit more

Until I reach to the depths of my core

Where I find my own true love for my soul

Then I’ll come back out to play

With a refreshed outlook on the day

Where I can confidently believe and say

“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”

until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,

first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.

Looking to the Bright Side

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I have to look on the bright side

to think of the good things in my life

for I am healthy and being my best

I know I cannot control the rest

I can just try every day to progress

to feel the love and feel that I am blessed.

 

I have seen disparity and poverty in other lands

I have seen dishonesty and hatred firsthand

I chose to leave so I could continue to expand

my own horizons even though they are unplanned.

 

I just know that the storms are almost over

as I start a brand new chapter

of my life as I gain closure

relinquishing any pent up anger

embracing my new future.

 

Sunny days and blue skies are ahead

I am trading them for the rain and thunder instead

So I can feel the love surround my heart and my head

because I have to enjoy this life before I am dead.

My Own Way

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I always take the guilt,

I always take the blame,

and yet its me to blow out the flame.

 

I try my best up to a point

while I watch you light a joint

by this time I am already done

I’m tired of battling and you’ve just begun

then comes the time to plea and bargain

but I’m not up for sale, this isn’t an auction.

 

I give more chances than I ever should

I look past it all and try to see the good

I know you’re smart and that you’ve understood

then starts the “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,”

when all I want is to be free of any falsehoods.

 

I never understand when you act so hurt

after hearing and seeing all of the signs of alert

I prefer the mountains but can handle the desert

but I’m a water baby and won’t convert.

 

So let me be free

let me swim as I please

let me buzz around with the honey bees

reaping life’s bounties

smelling the field of daisies

where I wont be made fun of for driving like its sunday

as it is my mode of life to get lost and enjoy the day

so if you can be a bit carefree, please stay

and if not don’t be hurt when I go my own way.