Month: May 2016

Body Issues

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I don’t know if I have written about this recently, but I am still amazed at how many women that are my age come out saying that they have hated their bodies, or really had serious body issues. I had a friend at Uni when I was in the sorority who would barf at the end of the night and I tried it with her a couple of times, but I really hate puking. I did it just because I was up for trying it out, not because I hated my body. I had a lot of other issues growing up, but being ashamed or feeling weird about my body was never one of them. Maybe if I really think about it, I was a bit self conscious about my feet because they grew in first and in 4th grade one of the twins used to say I had Ronald McDonald feet, but I then grew into them. Then I did have a thing where I wanted to have a nose job when I was in high school, but I think it was mostly because it was kind of accepted to want that, I am quite happy with my nose actually. I still do want to get Invisalign but to me that is just light cosmetic stuff, braces are normal, and I’d like to just straighten my teeth up a bit. I’m sure I could start looking for things to point out or name that I could improve, but overall, I have a very healthy sense of self and a positive body image. I am lucky. Apparently I am a minority it seems.

I know that the magazine and media culture is really harsh. I just happen to be lucky growing up in America and looked more or less like the people on the tv. I am tall, relatively thin, nice breasts, my body has a nice proportion to it, I have naturally blonde hair, a pleasant happy looking face, it was all luck of the draw and I am thankful. So very thankful. I obviously had other things to work on in this lifetime beyond my body. Granted, I still do take care of it, I have naturally been someone who gravitates to eating healthier and fresher. I also don’t normally overeat, and I do move my body. So all things considered, my body is good to me and I am good to my body. 🙂

Back to this thing about women with the body issues and those who have come through it, it’s hard for me to actually imagine what that is really like. I have never hated myself. I may have wished that I had a different family, or that the place I lived was better, or the clothes I wore were of better quality, but all of that was external, it wasn’t an internal battle against myself. Now that I’m an adult, I get to choose all of those external things and I have chosen very well, I even created my own new family whom I absolutely adore and love. My issues were always external, all things I could change, all things that if I worked on them, would indeed change and get better. So for me to think about what that internal battle like that must have been like or is like for women who have serious body issues, I really can’t relate and I want to.

I guess part of it is that I feel like I can relate to so many different people, from various walks of life, because I have lived such a diverse and rich life so far. I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone and find some common ground. If the topic comes to body issues, I just listen and stand there but can’t really contribute other than how hard that must have been. I’m glad I can’t relate actually, and maybe that’s the point of difference, it isn’t in that way that I will positively impact their lives.

Cleaning to Allow the New

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Being in a cluttered, messy environment makes me feel very uneasy. I get to a point at home where I cannot relax until the house is somewhat in order. It could be from my roots where this phobia comes from, or it could be that I don’t get overly attached to things, and all in all I’d rather not have a bunch of stuff around for stuff’s sake. Also having been a traveler, I came to Australia with hardly anything, so everything I have now, I’ve acquired in the last six years. I clean out my closet regularly and I try to donate or give away things that I don’t need and or use. The feeling after it’s gone, is so nice, and it makes it all worth it.

The idea that you cannot take anything else in your hands if they are full, totally resonates with me. If I let go of whatever I have in one of my hands, then I can receive something new and hopefully better. I can then upgrade my life piece by piece this way. I’m okay with that, since short of a big windfall of money, this is how I will make my way and help improve our lot in life as of now.

Decluttering can seem like a monstrous task, and procrastination easily joins in on the ride. I still have issues with throwing out papers, even though I know I can scan them because I just haven’t fully gotten into that yet. I don’t throw away my journals for the same reason. I also have a hard time giving away, donating or even selling books that I think I will use. Almost everything else, I can let go of.

It’s interesting to see what I become attached to and what I can easily say good bye to. There was one stage in my life where I was so unattached to things that I gave away what I would consider now, to be very sentimental things that I cannot get back. Such things are a piece of art that my little sister made when she was in junior high. It was a copper twisted tree hanging onto a big stone, I left it with an old partner when I moved out. Another was a quilt my grandmother had sewn and gave to me that I left at my friends house, who thankfully kept it and now has it with her in California, so I know I’ll at least get that back. Strangely another is the award I won for the “Face of Voyeur” when I was a part of the Byron Fashion Show that I just left in a share house that I had been living in. I wish I would have kept these things. There are probably some others, but these come to mind quite a bit for me.

So now, when I am decluttering, letting things go, and just eliminating things from my life, I take a bit more care to keep things that I still am emotionally attached to. I don’t want to end up in the position of longing for something I can no longer have, it only takes up mental space. In general I don’t cling to the past. I am fine to move on and keep progressing in my life. I almost feel that it’s because I am easy to let things go that it is conversely also easy for me to keep moving.

Decluttering and cleaning house has profound effects. The cleaner and clearer the house, the cleaner and clearer the mind. It’s all a manifestation and if I can do one to influence the other, then so I shall.