Why do I seem to always get to the breaking point to finally get help. Why is it that no matter how loudly I ask it doesn’t matter until I am so far into the depths of my own despair that things start to change? Do I not ask for enough? Do I not show that I need help? Do I not say that I need help?

The thing is that I do feel like I say what I mean, and that is the part that is confusing to me a bit. I say I need help, I say very clearly what I need to get out of the situation, but I need help to get there, so I ask. Then when I’m literally breaking down crying, that seems to be the point where change happens. I really would like to have change happen way before that moment, how else can I convey it?

It’s an interesting thing as I am consistently paradoxical in my ways. I am very much an AND person not an OR person. I like to be supportive of others AND I also need support. I eat relatively healthy AND I like a bit of sweets every now and again. I enjoy change AND I crave stability. I am happy for someone else’s career journey AND I want my own career to progress. So perhaps I need to be clearer while still voicing what I need and specifically taking action towards it.

The last part of last week was such a freaking heavy stretch of time for me, full on breaking point, and finally things are starting to change, and I feel emotionally hung over and very very raw. I’m getting there. The emotional hangover is for real though…