I’ve been doing this meditation every night and allowing it to absorb into my subconscious as I go to sleep. It’s all about grace and cultivating gratitude. It’s really beautiful and I’m so appreciative that I am doing it. We are on Day 7 with Day 8 coming in later today since I live in Australia. It is set up in the way where the good stuff is given away fro free so that you want to do more. It’s brilliant and I am happy to be taking the ride of the “free” experience. It’s by Oprah and Deepak Chopra, funny that their names rhyme, Oprah and Chopra, haha. I am sure that is divinely planned.

As I type again my baby is here in the home office and he is squealing with delight. It’s within the 5am hour and he just lights up in the morning. I look at him and he smiles and squeals. His sweet little dimple indents and his brightness just beams out with his smiling self. He is so gorgeous. He watches his hands and takes them in with such curiosity and wonder. It’s really a gift to witness and enjoy this sweet baby. I am so thankful to have my baby, baby A.

My body is getting tired though, he is getting heavier and heavier and still requires lots of cuddles and hands on love. That coupled with sleep in only stints of 2 or 3 hours starts to take a toll. He’s been teething, and it hurts him, 2 new teeth at a time it must be hard for him.

I painted yesterday, I felt inspired and started going and it felt so good. i finished a piece that is vibrant and full of life with bright reds, orange, blues and a bright yellow. Feel the light. This is where I really am. In the brightness, in the light, in the beauty of life. Ahhhh that feels very good.

Make each week count is written on a big reminder note on the mirror here in the office. Make each week count. There are only so many, there is only so much time in our lives, in my life. It is such a finite gift and I really am shifting the way that I use my time so that I feel great about it, cultivating a sense of gratitude, steering towards joy and expanding it, smiling, creating, living, loving. It feels good. It’s a conscious effort right now, but I know with consistent practice, it will become my natural pattern yet again. I assume that was my natural pattern as a baby like mine, and I am happy to incorporate that back into my regular life.

Mixed feelings. Wanting someone to be their best but also demanding that space is given to me to also be my best. It’s an interesting balance, and most of the time it works out. There are a few times when it doesn’t and then I feel like I have to step in and rebalance the situation. Even when done in a nice way there is a lingering thought of was that appropriate, did I do that with enough compassion? I cannot look back now as it is done, but it’s interesting when not just feeling the joy but the conflict as well. I know it’s not personal, As Don Miguel Ruiz says in his Four Agreements, nothing is personal, so never take it that way and I agree. Everyone comes from a different background, living a different day, usually dealing with things that we cannot see at first or even third glance.

My baby is laying on the floor as I type this, he is playing under his play gym with monkeys hanging down and a circus like ball that jingles in his hand as he pulls his feet to his face and looks over at me and squeals. He is so precious. Having Baby A brings so many good things into my life and I’d much rather focus on those good things than not, to find the good feeling in any given moment and go there, and expand it as much as possible!

It’s first thing int he morning here, and I’ve had a warm glass of lemon water and a piece of toast, a warm rooibos & vanilla mixed with Madura English Breakfast tea is brewing in a white ceramic cup with a red interior on my desk. Its winter here in Australia. I can see the dawn starting and the sky looks purple and pink outside, it looks cold. My husband is still sleeping, he mostly tended to baby in the night when he woke up for a feed. it seems to be our routine, I get up with him when he wakes around 5am and my husband does most of the night duty, which usually involves once or twice needing to feed or change baby’s nappy. It works. We haven’t really gotten full sleep in so long, I actually don’t know what an uninterrupted night’s sleep is like. Even when I have the opportunity to take it, I still seem to wake up and look around, or use the toilet, or in general sleep lightly. One of the many changes that have happened in my life since having Baby A.

I’ve been reading a book by Anodea Judity called Wheels of Life lately. It about the chakra system and is very in-depth. I sought out the recommendation from a friend I know from Vipassana who is doing EKG meditation brainwave work in Tulum, Mexico at the moment. It’s powerful. Something that has really stood out has been how the energy rising from the ground up culminates in illumines divinity and divine connection. However, the opposite where the energy starts up there and becomes more and more limited as it comes down is the only way to truly manifest what you want and truly desire, manifesting by limitation. This concept has been blowing my mind and I think it’s pretty spot on. For the same reason that perfection paralysis happens when you are undertaking a new project if you haven’t already specified your goals and outlined how it would work, or the same for having too many options in the supermarket and it’s becomes so overwhelming you either just choose randomly in the end, or opt to not get it at all!

We have a couple of friends who have been staying the weekend with us which has been really great. They are our closest friends and we haven’t spent this much time with them ever, so its nice to do the ebb and flow with them. He was talking last night about creating art and specifically painting and how you have to limit to which colour palette you need in order to really get in and paint. He talked about the process of mixing colours and really preparing before actually creating. I immediately related it to this concept of Judith’s, where it’s necessary to limit in order to fully express. It feels so contradictory! But at the same time it feels like it must be this way!

I’ve kept journals off and on since I was about 18, and I’m now much older than that today. I remember when I was first writing, and for a number of years actually, I would censor because my partner at the time, I knew was reading them. So I would limit myself, this is not the same as limiting for manifestation, this is censoring what really needs to come out due to fear of someone else knowing what I am really thinking and feeling. I’d like to think that I have moved past that these days, but I daresay that sometimes, it may still happen on occasion, censorship based on company. I know it’s less and less, and I am sure as I continue to progress it will not be something I do at all and just freely express as I am. Censorship kills the creative spirit. That’s a bold statement, but it does. Censorship in general, limitation in general isn’t healthy. It then creates patterns of fear all through one’s life which don’t serve them well.

All of life and how we operate are just in patterns. All of us. All of everything. We are like roots of a tree, like streams branching off of a main river, we are like the veins in our own bodies. Patterns, patterns, patterns, that all connect.