Freedom & Liberty

Saturn Returns… I turn 29 on March 20th

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My life has been in quite a transitional phase since I returned from Brazil. I have been trying to find the place where I feel the best, where I see the “most blue skies” if you will all the while trying to stay true to who I am now, not who I was. It is difficult to do so, when you look similar, you are back in the place where you have spent a lot of time, around old friends, but inside I have changed a lot… I have lived a life that words fail to describe accurately… even so the words I use to describe are relative to my experience, just as they are for everyone… its really all relative from my perspective…
I’ve been back in Yosemite staying with a dear friend who made it a point to pick me up from the airport when I landed back in the states, who has given me a place to stay and has shown me love and care in a way that I thought didn’t really exist in the world anymore. I feel very fortunate and lucky that I have had such a welcome and such a safe place to regroup.
In the past month I have been in a meditation training course in North Fork, California, one that is changing my life… taking what I had learned on the intellectual level to the experiential level and it is blowing me away. Learning that I am the Master of the Mind and I really do create everything in my world. Learning that everything arises and passes away and I cannot be attached to something that is so temporary as it is impersonal and constantly changing. I am actually returning in a few hours back to the Meditation Center to keep learning until I feel like I have this down, I will stay there, it is that important to me right now.
The topic of what sign are you seems to have come up a bit as of late and when I share that I am a Pisces that my birthday is on March 20th and that I am turning 29 the common response has been… ah… Saturn Returns… which I had never really heard of before, so I’ve had people explain it to me and it seems to totally make sense… Apparently, when one is born the planet Saturn is in line somewhere out there in the universe corresponding with your birth date and year. It takes give or take 27-30 years for Saturn to make its cycle back to the same place it was when one was born… and it becomes a time for rebirth… but at an adult stage, where one really finds where they are supposed to be… It becomes a time to rediscover what is important and rearrange life to fit this new self image…
So just as a quick recap… I fell in love and quit my job after 9 years when I was 27 and moved to Brazil… at 28 I realized that I wasn’t the person I was when I left to Brazil… then returned to the states at the end of last year… have been living mainly back in Yosemite where I lived and worked for five years feeling totally in between as I am very different from who I was when I was here last… now I am approaching 29, back in California where I am from, learning about my bodily sensations and will be meditating in North Fork (the exact center of California) on my birthday learning all about me… seems so appropriate…
I find it to be an interesting coincidence, or not, that most divorces happen amongst people who are 28-30 years old… just at the time that Saturn is returning…
If you are interested in learning more about this meditation training course, they call it a retreat, but it is not a relaxing kind of thing at all… check it out… dhamma.org its incredible… taking it from the intellectual level to the experiential level…
Wishing everyone health, love, happiness, peace and liberation!
jennifer.

Winter in Yosemite

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Reflections play a trick on me

It’s hard to tell what I see

Rocks seen clearly from the waters edge

Glacier Point with its white highlighted ledge

Snow-covered logs and tall pine trees

Clouds changing with the breeze

Swirled ice sheets drifting with ease

 

Tiny flakes tickle my nose

Bringing a calm to my heart as the Merced River flows

This is a peace that only Yosemite knows

In the quiet winter days listening to nature’s echoes

 

Absolutely perfect in every single way

Lucky me to spend time frolicking on such a day

Creating a new memory that is sure to stay

Of unsurpassed beauty, perfection and carefree play! 

Fast and Tao 22

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In the past few months I have been reading a passage from Tao te Ching every night. I have read them all and now randomly flip to a page. This one came last night and I thought it was fitting. Although I am trying to refrain from certain input that comes from technology during my fast, but I thought I would share this as an output…

Tao 22

If you want to become whole,

let yourself be partial.

If you want to become straight,

let yourself be crooked.

If you want to become full,

let yourself be empty.

If you want to be reborn,

let yourself die.

If you want to be given everything,

give everything up.

 

The Master, by residing in the Tao,

sets an example for all beings.

Because he doesn’t display himself,

people can see his light. 

Because he has nothing to prove,

people can trust his words.

Because he doesn’t know who he is,

people recognize themselves in him.

Because he hsa no goal in mind,

everything he does succeeds.

 

When the ancient Masters said,

“If you want to be given everything,

give everything up,”

they weren’t using empty phrases.

Only in being lived by the Tao

can you be truly yourself.

My Own Way

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I always take the guilt,

I always take the blame,

and yet its me to blow out the flame.

 

I try my best up to a point

while I watch you light a joint

by this time I am already done

I’m tired of battling and you’ve just begun

then comes the time to plea and bargain

but I’m not up for sale, this isn’t an auction.

 

I give more chances than I ever should

I look past it all and try to see the good

I know you’re smart and that you’ve understood

then starts the “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,”

when all I want is to be free of any falsehoods.

 

I never understand when you act so hurt

after hearing and seeing all of the signs of alert

I prefer the mountains but can handle the desert

but I’m a water baby and won’t convert.

 

So let me be free

let me swim as I please

let me buzz around with the honey bees

reaping life’s bounties

smelling the field of daisies

where I wont be made fun of for driving like its sunday

as it is my mode of life to get lost and enjoy the day

so if you can be a bit carefree, please stay

and if not don’t be hurt when I go my own way.

Diving Deep

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I like to swim around in the currents

on my own, without any deterrents

diving deep to see whats hidden below

then rising above to challenge what I know.

 

There’s so much life in my soul’s canyons

with layers upon layers to recount what has happened

its a tough trek, steep and dry

all by myself but I know I must try

There’s abundance and life at the bottom that’s all mine.

 

At the lowest depths where life abounds

I can jump, fly, relax and swim around

absorbing the love within me that I’ve found

hearing nature’s harmony resound

taking in the beauty that’s so profound 

its all about goodness when you go this far down.

It’s All In My Head

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It’s all in my head

what I’ve seen, what I’ve read

what I’ve heard, what I’ve said

what I’ve consumed, what I’ve been fed

it will be this way until I’m dead.

“It’s all in your head”

but I know what I feel

not all that we see is real

I know there’s more to an orange than it’s peel

I’m on an adventure and I’m at the wheel

I’m not afraid to embrace what others fear

I accept what I know and hold onto it dear.

Thought on Being Legally Bound…

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Is there any thing really wrong about being selfish, developing one’s self first and making that a focal point and continuing to do so as time progresses? How much does one really need to compromise in a relationship? Is a companion all that we can ever really seek in life?

Is there really just one person who will fulfill that gap when you need it? Is that even possible? Can we just get what we need from other people when we need it? Take only what we need and give, if we can, what they are in need of in return? Or further, just give what we need to give, what we can give…

A continuing thought… most likely spurred because I myself have found that I am legally bound, granted in another country, however, still legally bound and in the midst of breaking free from something I shouldn’t have really entered in the first place…where I allowed legal hoops and repercussions to scare me into thinking that I needed to be married to someone whom I did love and was in a relationship with in the said foreign country… masking it with the thought and optimism of love while knowing that if the legal ramifications and country laws were not as they were I wouldn’t have entered…  

Returning to the thought… with divorce in the US being 1 in every 2 marriages ending, doesn’t that mean that we are not as tied into religion as we were? Specifically California having the highest rate of divorce… doesn’t that reflect the lax religious views here? Doesn’t that also lead to the idea that we are more inclined to do what makes us happiest, even if that entails divorce, ending the religious institution of marriage that society tells us we should enter.

Further with divorce, how is it that we are supposed to feel so guilty about it? It is just a religious institution, and if I am not a strict follower of religion and my life is not ruled by religion, should I feel guilty? Should I feel guilty if I no longer feel the way I once did? Should I feel guilty that I have grown into a different person? I don’t think that guilt does me any good at all… why should I take it on when I am not obligated?

It is only my life to live. Shouldn’t I do what makes me happiest in this world? My world is only what I make it and if the person who I am next to doesn’t fit into what I believe I need next to me, is it wrong to be selfish and change the environment? We are all individual anyway… who is to say that the other person will ever be so much like you that you truly can grow old with only them? If I feel like I am on my own path to do the right thing and I realize that includes freeing myself from the bonds of those kinds of relationships, then shouldn’t I do it? Won’t it, in the long run, make the world a better place because I am doing what makes me happiest, what I feel is the best thing I can do for myself to help create this environment of happiness?

Why is it that our society forces us to be legally bound in order to have rights like health care? Health care should be a given right for any citizen living in the world’s most powerful and influential nation. So if you have to get married to have health care, that means that religion and capitalism are tied since health care seems to be totally revolving around money now? Is that a fair assumption?

I can definitely say that I will be more cautious when entering any kind of contract in the future, but in our society doesn’t it almost seem like it is inevitable in order to have rights? Is this where the gay/lesbian rights come in… how unfair that society makes us do this anyway for heterosexual couples, let alone homosexual ones, it is almost like a double blow… isn’t it? Or is it just the same… people who have a different outlook and who just want to love and have rights while living within their own bubble in our current society?

Perspective

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Life is all about your perspective… if you think you are some way… if you follow that way taking on its nuances… you will be that way. Thus, those around you will treat you that way because you are that way. Perspective… I can have and be in any way/life/path/reality I choose. Always. When you think that way you become that way…

If this is true… then always choose the best way, the one where you feel the most love… and you will in return get the most love because it is starting from within you first… and if you can start from within it will all work itself out just as it is supposed to be… you just have to embrace your true nature…

TRT – Blue Turtle Seduction lyrics

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Talking about the ways of an ever-dancing child,
Inspiration pouring down the timeless river nile.
It starts at the source, a course that comes from within,
Waterfalling from the heart to the valley of the pen.
It pours to the people, the ones that want to hear,
Come down to the river for the time is coming near.
To open up the door to what your waiting for,
Oh what the hell, image doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s a musical explosion passing on it’s seeds,
To all nationalities, colors, and creeds.

Now it comes easy, just a matter of releasing,
Taking a jump from the ship of dignity, into a sea of eternity.

It’s a dance that we do, to the movement of the stars,
Traveling miles without the use of cars.
Fourth-dimensionality, moving as a wave,
Passing through the people, all the people say Hey!
Yes, can we dance to the flames of a fire,
Oh can our voices rise higher and higher?
Out of time, out of mind, only in the now,
Don’t bother asking why, cause we’re going to show you how.
What I’m talking about is not some luxury vacation,
Just a lesson in the one and only, positive vibration!

Uniquely we journey through a higher space,
Subsequently sending peace to our race.
Millenium magic shining in the night,
Right before your eyes and then flashing out of sight.
What’s that you say, Can you explain it a little more?
About this game that we are playing where no one’s keeping score.
Well life is the game and the journey is the board,
Breath is our peace and the lion is our roar!
The sea just bubbles as the stars begin to fall,
While islands of laughter just echo down the hall.
It’s the absence of judgment, but not the lack of choice.
Talkin about another way to utilize your voice.
The power of the people, the one’s that speak as one,
The movement of the masses going to outpower any gun.
Love is our sword and we strike it all around,
To anybody open to this hip vibration sound.
We move as a tribe, as we dance in the field,
Singing, Hallelujah to that ever sacred seal.
That binds us together to make a solid chain, 
you and me, him and her, we’re all just the same.
www.blueturtlemusic.com