Life Experiences

Winter in Yosemite

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Reflections play a trick on me

It’s hard to tell what I see

Rocks seen clearly from the waters edge

Glacier Point with its white highlighted ledge

Snow-covered logs and tall pine trees

Clouds changing with the breeze

Swirled ice sheets drifting with ease

 

Tiny flakes tickle my nose

Bringing a calm to my heart as the Merced River flows

This is a peace that only Yosemite knows

In the quiet winter days listening to nature’s echoes

 

Absolutely perfect in every single way

Lucky me to spend time frolicking on such a day

Creating a new memory that is sure to stay

Of unsurpassed beauty, perfection and carefree play! 

Too Much?

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Am I sharing too much of me?

Is that even a possibility?

I just want to be free

when life is filled with such uncertainty

I say it as I feel it

I’m always connected but I just never fit

I know I’m not the only one not engendered from a kit

like one of Nana’s uneven perfect stitches

that all come together with that common thread

turning patches into one big bedspread…

 

I put it out there

no other release can compare

I’m not always fair

but I always care.

 

Don’t bare too much soul

a kind of messenger said to me in a dream

you can’t take it back its not what it seems

then all of the sudden a night sky

turns into a ceiling full of beams.

but it is just me – I must remind –

the same yet different girl still confused by time

who enjoys writing thoughts in a rhyme

which makes her happy and feel quite fine…

The Cycle

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when we open up and share

when we open up and care

when we start the affair

when we’re naked and bare

in the lovely night’s air

when we decide we are a pair

we’ll embrace and hug like a bear

we’ll be so aware

of each other and our welfare

until one day the dream turns into a nightmare

out of nowhere

and you declare its all in the name of warfare

as you step on my toe and pull my arm hair

as I try to sleep in my comfy nightwear

you exchange a glower for a loving stare

I know it is you speaking from dispair

but I have to leave before before it gets there

you know where I mean and I must prepare

so I run as fast as I can up the stairs

I get on my knees and I say a little prayer

and soon it is over and you say its unfair

that I can just walk away in my old footwear

letting down my bunned long blond hair

trying my best to let go and repair

my dearest true soul and take it elsewhere

beyond where it has been, creating a new lair

where I can be whole again, starting in a new square

eventually I will love again and forget the dispair

I’ll sit in another single armchair

until it is time to share another set of cookware

when others look and say what a great couple they’re

and it all starts again when I am brave and take up the dare

I’ve learned my best not to compare

so I’ll let it be love, precious and rare.

I Love You, Man…

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Way back in the day, back seven or so years now… a lover told me… “I love you, man…” I broke his heart, I didn’t mean to, it was never my intention. He loved me but I wasn’t there. It scared me away needless to say and since he said it in a scene where others were at the time… they then started to tease me about it. Then it just became the saying… “I love you, man…” that we would use endearingly and frequently I might add… 

So now I find myself back in Yosemite where it all began. I opened up a webpage to listen to some music and there I see an ad. The ad is for a movie entitled none-other-than… “I LOVE YOU, MAN” and to top it off… it comes out on my birthday March 20th… 

A funny coincidence? Maybe… It certainly did make me smile… love… what a funny thing… it is amazing how it all comes back around… in some fashion in some way in a time when we are least expecting it… I am going to take this as a friendly reminder of a moment a while back…

My Own Way

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I always take the guilt,

I always take the blame,

and yet its me to blow out the flame.

 

I try my best up to a point

while I watch you light a joint

by this time I am already done

I’m tired of battling and you’ve just begun

then comes the time to plea and bargain

but I’m not up for sale, this isn’t an auction.

 

I give more chances than I ever should

I look past it all and try to see the good

I know you’re smart and that you’ve understood

then starts the “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,”

when all I want is to be free of any falsehoods.

 

I never understand when you act so hurt

after hearing and seeing all of the signs of alert

I prefer the mountains but can handle the desert

but I’m a water baby and won’t convert.

 

So let me be free

let me swim as I please

let me buzz around with the honey bees

reaping life’s bounties

smelling the field of daisies

where I wont be made fun of for driving like its sunday

as it is my mode of life to get lost and enjoy the day

so if you can be a bit carefree, please stay

and if not don’t be hurt when I go my own way.

Energy versus Words

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I react to energy, but am swayed by words.

While living in a foreign land I learned that I can only trust what I feel, not just go by the words that come out of the mouth. I had to learn to read energy to know whether they had good intentions or not… I didn’t learn this straightaway, but finally I learned to trust what I felt, to stand tall with my decision and to do what I had to do…  

I see the expression, I see it in it’s true form.

Like anything, when I see it, its with me

I cannot act like I’ve not seen it even if I try…

 

I try to steer clear of false identities

wolves in sheep’s clothing

and the sheep with fangs

I suggest that it all be taken off

until then – I request that you stay away

I don’t know an easier way to convey

that I only want truth and honesty.

 

I only want those around me who want the same

even in places where I see smiling faces

where words do not erase the incongruent

actions of thier body

so please step back away from me old friend

people change i understand

but for christ’s sake don’t try to force

something that isn’t there… whats the point?

 

I want to be true to me

and I want those around me to be true to them too

hopefully we can come together later

on a healthy platform to share what we’ve learned

to exchange ideas and thoughts we’ve earned…

The Same

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You and me we are the same

we only answer to a different name

we both have a book of life

where we have our individual chapters of strife

we both have physical bodies and brains

we both have the ability to take the reigns

just like me if you belief it – its true

making a special moment out of the blue

from the windows in which we look through

you have the choice to do the right thing

to dance to the songs that you sing

to write them yourself and make your own way

to cherish whats within our reach every single day

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

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I just watched a movie with new eyes that I have loved since the first time I watched it over ten years ago. The Truth About Cats and Dogs is a wonderfully clever and truthful film. Granted I usually do overthink and dive into ideas head first these days, leaving little room to just laugh, with today being no exception. I wish it weren’t so, I wish I didn’t always read into what I am experiencing, but I will keep doing this until I stop. 😉 

So the beautiful blond Uma Thurman plays a very sweet, misdirected, loveable, yet dumb girl while Jeanne Garafalo plays the opposite role as the nondescript brunette with brains, wit and intellect. There is a lot of truth, I hate to say, in this very cliche casting and line of thought really. Then, oddly enough, I am relating it a little bit further that the beautiful blond is like the best friend companion who is always happy to see you and makes you feel good because they feel good to be around you. I then take the nondescript brunette as being more like the cat who is more complicated and does her own thing, finds her own amusements and develops in a completely different way. 

I have thought a lot about this idea of how one’s outward beauty dictates their life experience. I especially realized how my outward appearance – my white skin, my tall stature, my long blond hair and my blue eyes drastically impacted my experience while living in Brazil, a country with such a mix of nationalities mainly of Latin and African descent. I know that my appearance helped to shape my personality. I know that my personality shaped how I have handled and continue to handle things in life. I know that my life would be very different if I didn’t look the way that I do. Just as if I wasn’t born in America, or in 1980, or in California, or a girl. It all makes up how I am in life. 

So, with that said, I know that I cannot pinpoint exactly why I am the way I am because, like everything it seems, there are so many facets that should be considered that make up who I am, where I am and why I do the things that I do. I feel awkward with what I am about to say as I fear the perception that I am arrogant, but because I am attractive I know that I have had an advantage in my life, particularly when it comes to social aspects. Attractive people are, as I can see it, easier to socialize with, easier to deal with and just easier in most cases all around. There are the assholes and the bitches of course that value attractiveness above intelligence thus letting it all go to their head and think that everyone should worship them, but the majority are not that way. 

So, there was a part in the movie that basically said that dogs are always happy to see you and don’t say… ah… yeah, my owner has left now it is time for me to write a novel, instead they wait until the next time the owner comes back. They go to those who will pet them and aren’t selective as cats can definitely be. They are easy to please and aren’t too picky about who loves them as long as someone loves them.

Sure dogs can be complex. Sure attractive people can be complex, in fact, they usually are, but in a different way than less attractive people, I think. Am I ridiculous to even make this comparison? Maybe. But as one who has seemingly moved from one relationship to the next with other attractive people, is it fair to say that I am like a dog in that sense? How about my cat like distance that is inevitable? What about that side of it… complex… always is I guess. I guess this is why it is good to think about such comparisons. How can I ever know about someone else’s complexity when I am just trying to figure out my own though… it certainly does make me think about being more selective on who I allow to pet me.

A Poem: A Love Gone By

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There are days that I think I’m over you

where you enter my mind just a time or two

then all of a sudden I’m hit real blue

I wish I knew what to say but I haven’t a clue. 

I miss you – I have since I left two full years ago. 

I’m trying my best to catch my own wave at my own flow. 

I’ve grown a lot since the days in my youth

you were always so much wiser and could see the truth. 

I wasn’t there yet so I pushed us both away

I did stupid things nearly every single day 

that didn’t help out in our endeavor

I look back now and can’t believe I ever

acted foolishly like a baboon

with a drink in my hand working the room. 

I was so out of touch – no wonder I couldn’t see you

in your honest and gentle ways that only you knew. 

I wish I’d have known then what I have learned up to now

I’d like to think we’d still be together folding towels. 

It seems silly that I haven’t really moved on

I’ve kept up the charade but I’m not foolin’ a one.

You said we’re like a bad Jack Johnson song

I’m sorry I’ve been so utterly wrong. 

I’ve often questioned how to teach someone who just doesn’t know, 

I still don’t know the answer other than to take it slow. 

You have patience unlike anyone I’ve ever met

and you are still the coolest person I’ve run into yet. 

So how do I recover from all of my mistakes?

I’m shedding my masks now leaving no room to hide nor fake. 

Would you want to know me as I am today?

Would you care what I think or have to say?

Have you written me off or do you remember me on a rainy day?

I love you still – You are a part of me

it’s because of you that I can finally see.