poem

The Heart Breaker

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I don’t want to be a heart breaker  

I want to find balance between giver and taker

I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup

I want to love you dearly

But surely I know I will want to break up

I don’t want to break your heart in the process

Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress

I’ll experience what you have to offer

I’ll see how I am affected by it

And as easily as I’ll fall in love

I’ll fall right back out…

Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route

I wish I knew how to be another way

And still be happy and joyful every day

This is why I need time to be alone

Spending days all on my own

Falling in love with myself and who I am

Learning about me and learning how to stand

I will reach down low and stretch way high

I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor

While I let my mind and soul fly

It has to start with me first

I will try to break my heartbreak curse

As one love once said as he sat still

“If you let me love you, I will”

Now its time for me to instill

This thought of love and acceptance

Of hope and repentance

For me first and then for you

Then in my life I can be one of two

I owe it to myself to do this now

I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how

So, I will do what I think is best

Cutting myself off from the rest

Until I figure out a bit more

Until I reach to the depths of my core

Where I find my own true love for my soul

Then I’ll come back out to play

With a refreshed outlook on the day

Where I can confidently believe and say

“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”

until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,

first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.

My Own Way

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I always take the guilt,

I always take the blame,

and yet its me to blow out the flame.

 

I try my best up to a point

while I watch you light a joint

by this time I am already done

I’m tired of battling and you’ve just begun

then comes the time to plea and bargain

but I’m not up for sale, this isn’t an auction.

 

I give more chances than I ever should

I look past it all and try to see the good

I know you’re smart and that you’ve understood

then starts the “I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve,”

when all I want is to be free of any falsehoods.

 

I never understand when you act so hurt

after hearing and seeing all of the signs of alert

I prefer the mountains but can handle the desert

but I’m a water baby and won’t convert.

 

So let me be free

let me swim as I please

let me buzz around with the honey bees

reaping life’s bounties

smelling the field of daisies

where I wont be made fun of for driving like its sunday

as it is my mode of life to get lost and enjoy the day

so if you can be a bit carefree, please stay

and if not don’t be hurt when I go my own way.

Diving Deep

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I like to swim around in the currents

on my own, without any deterrents

diving deep to see whats hidden below

then rising above to challenge what I know.

 

There’s so much life in my soul’s canyons

with layers upon layers to recount what has happened

its a tough trek, steep and dry

all by myself but I know I must try

There’s abundance and life at the bottom that’s all mine.

 

At the lowest depths where life abounds

I can jump, fly, relax and swim around

absorbing the love within me that I’ve found

hearing nature’s harmony resound

taking in the beauty that’s so profound 

its all about goodness when you go this far down.

It’s All In My Head

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It’s all in my head

what I’ve seen, what I’ve read

what I’ve heard, what I’ve said

what I’ve consumed, what I’ve been fed

it will be this way until I’m dead.

“It’s all in your head”

but I know what I feel

not all that we see is real

I know there’s more to an orange than it’s peel

I’m on an adventure and I’m at the wheel

I’m not afraid to embrace what others fear

I accept what I know and hold onto it dear.

A Gal

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i met a gal

and showed her how

I frame my window

to see the world 

with clear glass panes

seeing the light of the sun

explaining that it will rain

and suggested she try to reframe.

she smiled and said 

she felt good around me

and would try as well

to turn that key.

my other friend said

my presence is intoxicating

that its so different when I’m around. 

i said i will never know 

what its like when I’m not in tow

i only know what i know

and i only know how to be me…

Not a Doll

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He just wanted me

to be a doll – 

beautiful and quiet,

smiling politely

around the lions and wolves

of his society.

He would urge me to shop

to spend his family’s money

he would always laugh

around his special company.

When I would speak up 

about social issues 

or speak with the maids 

he would always excuse 

“she’s American” he’d say

then revert to the 

stock prices of the day. 

More concerned with money

and financial affairs

with his Blackberry in hand

like a big business man. 

I was fooled quite well at first

while living in the high desert

where I thought he quenched my thirst.

A little late it all became clear 

after I had rearranged my life to be near.

So I distanced myself more and more

I refused to shop or buy needless things

I didn’t want to be the caged bird

I couldn’t forget how to sing. 

I didn’t want him to think he had control

I wouldn’t trade money for my soul

I had to escape

I had to leave

there were greater ideas

like love in which I still believed.

Money has a Price

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Here’s your very own

platinum card – 

the keys to the kingdom. 

We won’t say it aloud

as we’re a family quite proud

but it’s time for you

to play along

to dance around

and sing a sweet song

to smile and wave

at the events uptown. 

Don’t talk to the maids anymore

and if you cry – shut the door

and when you come out

be ready to talk about

traveling to other countries

or to just listen I should say

about the newest trip planned today.

You’ll hear the same stories

every single time

of traveling bags and empty minds

while listening to jazz

and drinking imported red wine. 

Act interested in those

at “The Club” 

laugh with those in the hot tub. 

They say this is the life

but it surely has a price. 

Unfortunately for them

as much as they would try to entice

I could never be bought

as for me freedom has no price.

Actions Not Words

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“Actions speak louder than words” 

yet I still believe what you say

but I don’t understand why you lie. 

Why not tell the truth

be honest and lay it out

not just spurt a firearm of words

from your mouth and into the air

slow it down

think about what you really want

find who you are

and be honest of high how you set the bar.

I don’t want to be around a liar

someone who just says what they think I want to hear

I’d rather be alone with my own ideas, thoughts and actions

than to have someone like that near

so stay away until you’re ready to speak

straight from the heart

of thoughts that are real

and true feelings that you feel. 

Prove it with what you do

and you’ll understand

why I find this to be such a virtue.

Vessel

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Sitting in silence

listening to my breath

without a thought of regret

my mind wanders 

to the term “vessel” 

I realize in this moment

that’s what makes me tangible

it houses my soul

it houses my mind

in this thought I’m aware of time

not in the societal sense

but in physical birth, growth, aging and death

Another thought kept passing through

lyrics that I love to listen to

“know what I want, know what I can get…”

and I’m reminded only physical limitations can be set

in this life I’m really well off 

with a strong mind and an interior so soft.