Wake of Growth

Yes, and Then…

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I’ve been listening to Tina Fey’s book Bossypants and it’s great. I also read Amy Poehler’s Yes, Please! and enjoyed that immensely. It’s so refreshing to read comedy and not self-help which has been my genre of choice for over a decade now. I love that these two women are so generous with their stories and sharing how they went from point A to point Z. I love that they also both talk about the nuts and bolts of improv comedy and how they boil it down to:

Yes, and then…

I love this for many reasons. One reason is that I like to have a formula for everything. If I can make sense of it in my head, I can play with it in so many different ways and come up with new ways of working the same idea. I have found this to be the same way with grammar, math, cooking, sewing, makeup, self grooming… there’s a process. As long as you know what that is, then you can fly like the wind with it!

Yes and then is all about accepting what the situation that you and the other person(s) have come up and then adding additional information to keep the story and momentum moving forward. This is so great, and it works! I feel like it’s a habit to get into, rather than just commenting, commenting in a way that moves things forward allows for flow! Flow feels great for everyone involved!

It’s awesome to hear that in action as I listen to Tiny Fey. I love that she has a way of using that system and weaving in serious topics and then lightening it up and throwing a joke in, all the while, planting a seed of thought and possibly change. It’s brilliant. It doesn’t feel preachy, it feels like flow, it feels easy, it feels accessible. I feel like this book is a MUST read for me, and I am glad I am doing just that! I have a feeling this is going to really help me in the long run with my own story telling. Also, I feel like it’s almost a way of living life that I already am aligned with, it feels very helpful, and in some improv scenes it can be radically inclusive!

Embracing the Feminine

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For so much of my life I have been rather yang, strong, masculine, directed. Even when I haven’t been attached to a corporate job, I’ve taken on my life like it’s been a serious role. I have been incredibly direct, ambitious, hard headed, and overt. I had a challenging childhood which is actually classified as being traumatic, and I’ve come to peace with it. Thankfully I have been hard like this because I needed to be in order to do things differently from the life I had been born into.

Now that I am pregnant and expecting my first child later this year, the more feminine side of me, the yin, the softer, gentler, more subtle aspects of me are starting to emerge. Starting may be an understatement because there are days where it feels more like a crashing tide of change where the feminine is taking the space. I have never felt more beautiful, or more like a woman, or more like this incredibly powerful being as I do right now.

I can only imagine that this gets stronger as I get closer to giving birth, and even moreso after I actually am caring for this child that has been created out of love. Having experienced what it’s like to be very yang, and now embracing the yin and the feminine side of who I am, I know this will equip me to the best and whole person, mother, partner, citizen, being that I can possibly be. I recall that when I was younger my prayers always ended with “and please help me to be the best person I can possibly be”. Having that thought, coupled with the action I have taken in my life to accomplish this and it’s all happening. I am that.

The feminine energy is so lovely too. When my husband and I were first dating I told him very clearly (in a super yang way) that I needed him to hold the masculine space because I needed to hold the feminine space. I knew I needed it, and that was the first time where I actually voiced it so clearly. What a blessing that I was able to recognise that. By having my husband hold that yang space, it allowed me to develop my own yin, feminine space and because of this we have both benefited greatly by becoming our whole selves.

I am going to be an amazing mother. I am an amazing wife and partner. We will create such an amazing and creative family and I am thrilled to be on this journey. I embrace the feminine with who I am and allow it to help me grow in ways that I haven’t yet experienced, for the good of all.

Creating Family

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I was just overcome with the amount of excitement and joy that I have about creating my own family. I never thought that this was in my future and now that it is, it brings tears to my eyes. I didn’t expect that I would start to feel this way, that I would really want to have my own family, my own children, my own husband, creating our world.

To essentially create my own tribe with the people I love the very most even if they aren’t born yet. I get to create our own little dip in the world, our own version of life. I get to share the love that I have, I get to experience their love, I get to expand into this amazing gift of life. It feels like the only real thing that matters right now, creating a loving space for my husband, myself, and our soon-to-be child, and possibly children.

This would not be happening had I not found and seized the moment with my husband. He is the most amazing person and it is with his love and support that I feel like this can happen, and that it is happening. I knew it really early on that he was the person I would spend my life with. I even slipped up and wrote that I knew he would be THE Great Love of my life, not A Great Love as I had intended when I started creating the card. It was so early on in our relationship, nearly three years ago when I wrote it and it’s completely turned out to be true.

This excitement of being able to create my own world with my husband feels so good. It’s hard to describe as I type, but I’m actually tearing up as I write this, it’s the kind of excitement that is so unknown, so deep, and so expansive. I feel blessed. I know I am going to make the most amazing mother. I know my husband is going to make the most amazing father. I know we will create the most amazing and loving family, and this makes me weep with joy.

I just never expected to feel this way. I was so utterly against having children and getting married when I was younger. I am so glad that I have experienced life in such way, that it has changed my perspective on this completely. I wouldn’t change a single thing of the past, no matter how tumultuous, no matter how disorienting it was at times, because it’s from this journey that I have come to this revelatory place. My life is only getting better and better and I am so thankful.

Revolution, Evolution, Lessons

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I have a pattern of naively jumping into situations, hoping for the best, and just going for it. This has worked out really really well at many stages of my life. At other times it has gone drastically the other way. Nonetheless I learn an incredible amount of lessons about life, myself, other people, processes, and mostly, grow through the experiences which have helped me to evolve to the person I am now.

Jumping in is kinda like a revolution versus an evolution, but enough revolutions can also create an evolution, at least from my life stories, I find this to be a truth. Lots of sudden changes that create a lasting effect. This totally makes sense to me.

For instance, my latest Revolution has been becoming pregnant. Although my husband and I consciously went into this, as in we had conversations, said we wanted to create another life together, and we made divine love. This sounds like evolution, but the condensed time frame of me removing my contraceptive device and us expecting a child was so quick! I once heard that nothing in nature moves slow, and maybe this is the natural evolution of human life, my life, our life.

Now that I am pregnant and we are expecting our first child later this year, I feel like I am learning SO much about gestating and being healthy along the way in body, mind, and spirit. By the way this has been very important to me anyway, but now that there is literally someone who is completely and 100% affected by my actions, I am super aware of what I am doing and am making more responsible decisions as a whole.

I’m learning about different parenting methods and which ones jive the best. Prior to starting on this path we talked about having an Au Pair immediately to help with everything. Although that certainly isn’t ruled out, the more I learn about the importance of baby bonding the more the weight and responsibility of being a mother to a child comes in.

What I do and how I raise this child will have an impact upon myself, my husband, the child, our family and friends, the community, the world at large as the ripple effect of life happens. This thought, this HUGE thought is leading to a personal revolution within my mind, within my body, that I certainly did not see coming. Not only is it a constant thought on my mind, it is becoming more and more of a focus about how our lives will be.

With creating my own family, I literally have the ability to change the world by bringing and raising a whole human being. This feels like an incredible gift and opportunity for my own growth, the growth of my husband, the growth of our relationship, the growth of our child obviously as well. I’ve worked so hard to develop myself to be at this stage, and I feel so equipped to do my best to help create an environment where the child feels whole, safe, loved, cared for. I do this for myself, I do this for my husband, it’s what we have created, it’s what we consciously create.

It’s been by the crazy revolutions in my life that have lead to this stage of gestation with conscious love and all of a sudden I feel like I should be charging forth on a white stallion waving a flag of love, of honour, of connection. My promise, my duty as a parent bringing a child into this world, is that I will do my utmost to ensure that I am able to be there and provide for this dependent being so that it can then evolve and create it’s own revolutions.

 

Loving My Pregnant Body

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I cannot even begin to express the amount of adoration I have for my own body as it’s growing this human being inside of me. I LOVE the new curves I have, I LOVE the way that my belly is changing, I LOVE that my body is able to do all of this! I am in complete and utter awe that my human body is even capable of this and to witness it changing shape and growing, literally growing, is absolutely amazing. I truly am in awe.

After my shower this afternoon I decided to lather on some coconut oil to combat the dryness of winter here in Australia. Thankfully it isn’t too cold so I just air dried my body and watched how the winter’s sun came in through the window and illuminated my growing belly, I was glowing! All of the feminine goodness that I am right now is so very attractive to me! I love it. I absolutely love it.

What a gift and blessing to be able to experience this. I feel incredibly grateful.

The Hero’s Journey

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Joseph Campbell has inspired me and the changes I’ve made in my life. So much so that back in 2007 or so when I first heard the idea of “Follow Your Bliss” that I held onto it as tight as I possibly could and made motions in every moment to do so, which in turn totally transformed my world. I was living in Brazil at that stage and so far from where I really needed to be and it was obvious. By choosing what felt the best at any given time, I slowly but surely created lasting change in my life. Thank Goodness!

Fast forward to 2010 and I was in a major car accident. I had just moved to Australia and was stopped in my tracks, a divine intervention really. Having nothing but time and space to heal, heal is what I did. I took the time to finally really dive into my own subconscious, learn about who I was, what I was doing, where I was going. I trained myself how to lucid dream, I kept a regular dream journal and analysed my dreams. I drew, painted, wrote, and expressed myself however I could within the healing space I was in. You see I wasn’t overly mobile at that time, so I had to work with what I had! I was living in a bus on an organic banana farm in the lovely village of Whian Whian in the Northern Rivers of New South Wales. The time there was right out of a storybook. Including a horse named Spirit whom I’d try to be friend while going to the nature loo, the outdoor compostable toilet which had a stunning view of The Channon area with it’s rolling hills and lushness.

Realising that I was far away from my doctors and community, I moved into the town of Lismore, after a  few months of living in Lennox Head with it’s healing Tea Tree water infused Lake Ainsworth. Lismore was fantastic. It is a creative hotbed and every walk of life can be seen there. Here I lived in a vegetarian meditation house on top of Girard’s Hill overlooking the whole town. There were koalas in the nearby lookout and it was what I needed in my next stage of healing.

In Lismore, I really dove into the Hero’s Journey. I had written it in the story arc with each stage and pasted it upon my wall. I studied it regularly. I would watch a film and dissect it based on the story steps. I noted that there always had to be a struggle that felt like against all odds it wouldn’t happen, and then a guide in some guise would appear, the struggle would have a climax and the Hero would triumphantly overcome the initial issue before returning better than ever to their regular life. I love how the story unfolded that way and I have always been keen to support the underdog.

I’m at a stage now where I am not sure if I embody the Hero’s Journey naturally and that is why I had to study it, or if I have studied it so much that my life now mirrors that. I understand the power of the thought and how it can influence and inform life in every aspect. I may naturally be the Hero, full on. With the amount of adversity and resiliency of overcoming the obstacles in my life, I sure feel like I am the Hero. Perhaps I just understand the process better and can identify it. Either way there is no coincidence that it came into my life in such a major way and that it still stays with me so strongly.

However, at this point, I’m ready to just have the easier way now. I’m ready for the smooth and easy sailing part which doesn’t have bam, bam, bam excitement left and right. Not that I’m asking for some dull ride through life, not at all. It’s just that I’m about to bring a child into this world, into my existence, and I want to just enjoy it rather than feel like I’m always overcoming some battle. This year alone has been a constant battle with major positive highlights too, like getting married; going on our lovely honeymoon at the Great Barrier Reef; conceiving a child. It’s certainly been clear that I’ve had a lot of challenges too, like setting and enforcing boundaries with joint venture partners; dealing with immigration issues between two different countries and still not having resolution; feeling every bit of joy, happiness, pain, and discomfort that comes with being pregnant in my mid-thirties, all the while creating a unique business that will solely be online to help women.

I love and admire the Hero’s Journey and I will always have my own personal stories to reflect upon. I am just ready for that feeling of “Ease” to take over, at least for a while.

Aphrodite Archetype

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The Aphrodite Archetype I completely resonate with. I am strong yet uber feminine. I dive deep into relationships and give my all to the moment until it’s done. Sensuality is one of the divine gifts of the physical world and I enjoy colours, flavours, textures and touch as part of my “must have”. I take great care of my self and my body, I take the time to enhance my feminine nature and my features by choosing clothing that suits me and works well with my curvaceous figure.

Aphrodite was able to inspire change in those she spent time with and I do the same. I consistently am in a process of continual rebirth and blending my feminine and masculine aspects to create an incredible whole. I am highly creative and love to express myself in every aspect that I can whether it be by painting, drawing, speaking, dressing, creating a meal, in every way I express my creative energy.

I feel very blessed to resonate with the Aphrodite archetype. I am a very strong woman and appreciate that I can gain insight and inspiration from such a tremendous Goddess!

 

 

Final Exam, Final Semester

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This morning I have a final exam in Digital Marketing. This is the very last exam I have as an Undergraduate. There is an intense feeling of excitement and heaviness mixed with the completion of my Bachelors and this stage of life. There is a comfort in the stages of growth, however, each chapter must come to an end so that the story, my story can progress.

Without a doubt I am an eternal student. I have a curiosity about life that never ceases. I find that learning is available in every interaction, in every moment, it’s just up to me to realise it. Undertaking formal education is very different from my self-guided exploration, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I like the structure, I like the guidance and oddly I think I like deadlines within reason. I also appreciate that my courses have been very holistic in nature. Perhaps its due to the fact that they have been primarily Marketing courses this last year, but my professors have crafted such a wide variety of materials into the learning experience and it’s made it all that much more rich. When a guide/professor is experienced and they share what they have learned along the way with passion and enthusiasm it is like magic, where time and space in that moment cease and it’s all about the expansion within it. This doesn’t always happen, and it isn’t with every professor, in every class, in every subject, but when it does happen, it is one of the most joyous experiences at a higher learning institution.

Heading into this exam I have a High Distinction, which is the American equivalent to an A grade. I have excelled in the projects that have been required including a Digital Marketing Business Plan and a full Case Analysis on the largest social media platform at the moment, Facebook. I do hope that I can express what I have learned and the insight I have gained along the way in both formal and informal education about this topic in the exam today! I know I’ll just need to relax into it and let it come out of me as it’s all in there.

Perhaps this heaviness will pass after I am done. Perhaps the heaviness is due to the restriction of transformation, that moment where all things are tight and limiting until freedom is gained and a new beginning is made. I’ve had many transformations in my life and thankfully have lived very fully within each of those chapters, this one as a returning student is no exception. I’m very glad that I returned in my 30s. I have been able to get so much out of the subjects from this experience, a vast different from the social experience which I would definitely categorize during my first time at University when I was 18.

We’ll see what happens next! I’m sure it will be good, really good, it always is!

Transformation and the flow of my mind

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i refute the idea that all life is suffering.

recently heard a translation to modern times suffering=stress.
this flows more easily with me.
living mostly on the spiritual and mental planes these days
these days in australia
wondering if its all just fiction
all the numbers, all the signs
a storyline based on a world of spirituality
that being the theme
i go with it
im interested
but could it be just like anything else… built by a set of ideas
then distributed and followed…
ill take what i want and leave the rest
take in, taste, experience, and absorb only whats necessary
in total preparation of the next step
i am becoming a full woman
true to myself and my nature
independent and confident
in my abilities
in my mind
in my love and in my knowing.
i know… i know… it is true
comfort in the words in old books that seem to confirm what i’ve known
not sure why i had to get confirmation, but i have and thats that.
its not always easy when you are venturing out on your own
paving your own way
going against the grain of the rest of the piece…
with a greater vision
not a herd mind whatsoever
i have to lead my life the way i choose
learning to truly trust this process and myself in it
i am getting there…
i make things more complicated that they need to… must K.I.S.S. more keeping to one plot… simplicity…
I break it down to keep it super simple… 🙂
for some reason i need to learn all about it before i can do that though
otherwise i feel like i am moving about blindly
not my cup of tea
feeling me
feeling what is here
feeling the greater force whatever that is
vibration
vibrato
its all around
its all around
regularly i request… make me a channel of divine creativity and use me as an instrument of higher will…
wrote the basis for a story… came to me at 3am, ten pages… based on the story steps illustrated on my wall…
flooding out… and then it stopped midway and i wrote… tell me more and more came…
now what to do with it…
wanting to create something that eventually involves others
musically
artistically
based on what flows through me… in words…
hopefully in full stories…
help disimminate the awareness…
to help bring light to other peoples work as well…
hopefully making an impact, an influence on others,
on myself, on humanity
the goal is still this…
to positively impact and raise the vibration of humanity, of the human race…
through energy
through thoughtful words and awareness
evoking emotion
evoking thought
evoking change

Allowing Love

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Embracing my own self love

releasing others from the unattainable task

creating my own happiness

allowing love in – as it is – right now

without falling back on old patterns

nor projecting the future outcome of this, of now

simply enjoying the now- the moment – what is

enveloping my self, my soul in the goodness and grandeur of love

not making demands

letting go of expectations

allowing me to feel without wanting to own my interest

he will come and go

he always will so it seems

but I – I am here – the one with me always

I cannot stall nor stop energy

so i allow the flow to truly run through me

like a river encompassing, enveloping my everything

from my heart to my soul from well above my head to deep into the ground

allowing love with a resting smile upon my face.A