What happens when you look at the variety of roles available on job sites and still feel none of them are really for you? What happens when I scroll through them and think that each would be fun for a day or maybe a week, but that would be it? Is it because I’m looking at these jobs that other people are needing, that I’m just going to fill a need for them rather than filling a need for myself? Am I looking at this from the wrong perspective? How can so many other people just say, okay there’s a role, and I am willing to spend my time, energy, and creativity in that role? None of them I want to do full time either. I fundamentally don’t believe in working 5 out of 7 days, where is the time for leisure? Where is the time for personal growth? Where is the time for leading a healthy life? Where is the time for maintaining friendships and being a part of community? What about any time for developing or exploring your faith? Of course, also, where is the time to build and maintain a romantic relationship, and of course, a parental one? I don’t see how that is possible to do successfully, how it’s possible to balance all of those needs and do them at your very best when there are only 3 hours after a long day five days a week, and two weekend days to focus on being a whole person.

So what do I do? I’m in a job that I feel is very constricting and limiting because I have to be at a desk on certain days for this business, I feel chained to it. There isn’t flexibility in the days I get to do this, even though I’ve asked from the beginning. I’ve made it clear that I want more flexibility. I want a job that’s completely flexible. One where I don’t have to be at any one place at any one time with other people relying on me being there, I already have that kind of pressure at home being a mum and a wife, I don’t need it anywhere else in my life, I need the opposite. That’s it, because I already have such responsibilities that I have taken up willingly, I want a job to be the opposite of that, i want it to have flexibility, freedom, movement, change, the ability to not do it if I choose, the ability to ride my own waves of energy rather than force my energy to fit into a schedule.

So again, what do I do? What do I do about this? Clearly the option is to do something online. Clearly it is to stop looking at these jobs that will put me at a desk just in another business location. Ideally I would like to either totally work with people, or not though. I want the money from this job too, because now that I am remembering how nice it is to have money, I like it, and like to see my bank account rising each week. I like this. To replace my current job, I just need to make $350 for a two day workweek. I can do this. I will do this. I will go beyond this.