Eating and Sexy Time

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Earlier I was joking with my husband that if we have sweets in the morning, then we wouldn’t have sexy time later. Just a simple cause and effect, if and then situation. He was baffled and responded “Now you tell me after all these years” and I really laughed.

The idea that if you are satisfying your cravings with sugar instead of physical touch and orgasms, then it’s already done. The craving is satisfied. It’s like food takes the place of sexy time. Also in the same way that you don’t want to have sexy time if you are full. You want to lounge, you want to switch off in a passive way.

Nothing about sexy time with my husband is passive.  Although I was partially joking. We did have to prove the theory wrong. I daresay that if we didn’t set out to prove it wrong, then it would have held more weight!

Low BS Tolerance

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I’ve come to realise that my tolerance level for bullshit has become very very low. I can see right through it and it just makes me baffled. It’s hard for me to follow along these days. I do mean these days too, as before, it wasn’t always like that…

Perhaps clean living with regular meditation has added to this clarity, and if it has, I am so grateful. Perhaps it is the wisdom that comes with years living on this earth. Perhaps it is the wisdom that comes from experience of being in enough situations where the BS was so out of control, that I had to excavate my whole life to see what was real and what was left and then began again.

Who knows. I am thankful though.

What is Mine Will Always Be

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In the same way that Marketing has moved from a Push, Push, Push environment where the company was pushing their product onto the consumer, to a Pull environment where the consumer is pulled to the product by clever communication strategies, life in general is appears to also hold that trend and truth.

I have total faith that what is mine will always be mine and this is the pull system. The life I want and will have will always be mine, it could only ever be mine. If I work on myself, find ways to improve and implement those changes, if I do my best to help others and serve and grow in that way, all of these changes lead to and make up my life. This is true for anyone, if you continue to put out your own energy of who you are and what you are here to do, then life will come to you! Life comes to me! All I have to do is hold true to who I am, be the best that I can be, and move forward with action to create the life I want, and it all happens.

When people tell me that so and so stole their partner from them, I internally question what was really going on for that to happen. What in their relationship went so sour that it got to that point? Furthermore, I don’t believe that anyone can ever be “stolen” from someone else. If they are yours, if they are the one you are meant to be, your love will endure, there will be no question, and that’s it. It has nothing to do with ownership over someone else, more to do with ownership of your self. Personal responsibility and taking ownership of the fact that you have a certain pull or attraction about your person, it’s your energy, your vibe, your way of being, this is what keeps your life the way it is.

As soon as you start changing your mind on things, start changing your life, your energy will change too, and it’s all okay. The things and people and places that were a part of your life before the change that are truly there and in accordance to the vibe you are giving off, will stay, and the ones that no longer jive will drop off, fade away and this is all okay.

What is mine will always be mine. What is yours will always be yours. When you feel that sense of competition, remember this, as nothing that is yours can be taken away, because it wasn’t yours in the first place, and that is okay.

Magazine Covers

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Looking at the checkout magazine stand that is at every check stand every where with fabricated headlines, advice on how to have better sex, the recipe you’ve been missing out on, and either candid photos of famous people looking horrible, or totally photoshopped pictures of also said famous people. It’s such bullshit. It’s total bullshit. No wonder we, as a society, and as women have issues when things are being pushed on us all the time.

I haven’t mastered buying my groceries online yet. As a whole Australia isn’t up to par with countries like America where you can purchase some consumer good online and have it at your door within 2 hours. Also the one grocery store that I do frequent, doesn’t do online orders, who knows if they will in the future.

Anyway, the point is that every time I go in to buy groceries at the big supermarkets, and local independent grocers, I will be bombarded with these magazines and their messages. I am sure it’s no coincidence that they also have the most unhealthy treats right at the same place so you can then eat your guilt of not being like the person on the magazine. It’s all bullshit.

Imagine a world where the magazine covers were actually positive and reinforced independence and personal health in a healthy and realistic way. What if at the counter they had pieces of fruit and snacks that actually made you feel good? What a difference it would make in society if we all felt better about who we are and what we are doing, wouldn’t it be so nice.

 

Solving Problems

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Solving problems, and diving deeper is something that I enjoy doing, immensely. Sometimes, it is hard for me to only listen without offering possible solutions or suggestions on how to make things easier or how to navigate situations that may arise that I can forsee.

I understand the importance of holding space for someone to share what is going on, and I appreciate that. I also like to then discuss possible outcomes if certain moves are made. This is the same when someone is venting. I want to help them move through what is going on to a better situation, a better place, a better state of mind and space.

When I am upset sometimes I just want to be heard, I will work out the options myself, seek out stories that might illustrate the path I am looking to take, or may specifically ask questions of people who I think I know would know. When solutions are offered up before i am ready to receive them it almost feels like I am not being “heard” enough.

Perhaps I also need to take this on board and find a transitionary statement, or stage in the conversation that easily flows into solutions without feeling like the point of pain has been cut short. Perhaps I ought to ask if I can offer solutions, or what if we brainstorm to find pathways to positive outcomes.

The next thing I think of, is that perhaps, I really am suited better to writing my thoughts in one coherent piece of writing than to be in an open dialog situation with someone face to face. Perhaps I really am better on paper, in black and white, in this specific sort of way.

So if I am looking for a solution of how to solve this, I guess I could seek feedback from those I’ve been in conversations with to gauge how I have done in supporting them and helping them get a sense of forward motion. Perhaps I can read a bit more into coaching and best ways to do it when dealing with emotions. Perhaps I can just listen and let that be enough when I am face-to-face.

Finding solutions that are win-win for everyone involved always appeal to me. I want to somehow share this in a way where others can also find this kind of balance, so we can all move forward together as peacefully as possible.

Giving Up Alcohol

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I stopped drinking alcohol some time in late 2010/early 2011. I had was living in Australia, I was recovering from a head-on collision, I was meditating a lot, and just didn’t see that it had a place in my life anymore. I also valued having the clarity of mind and body over the feeling of escapism that happens when taking alcohol.

It is a big difference when you go out to places where people drink alcohol, and I try my best to avoid them. I don’t fancy hanging out in pubs, or in venues where people get drunk. Quite frankly, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I can tell that they are under the influence and not their normal selves and it freaks me out a bit. There is only one exception to this and it’s when my husband has a glass of wine every three or four months and he gets this very relaxed vibe and then goes to sleep. I think it’s kind of cute and it really doesn’t happen often, so I just accept and enjoy it.

Choosing to stop drinking alcohol is not as big of a deal though if you start doing other things. I started doing other things that didn’t involve alcohol. I started getting involved with the theatre and although they definitely do drink in the theatre, they don’t while preforming and usually don’t while rehearsing, so that was a good option. I also started to be a part of a kirtan event in the local town and started to do other things that engaged me in ways that were better when sober. I guess that is the key, doing the things that are better sober, then doing those more. haha. That sounds funny. I’ll see if I can refine that.

The key to stopping alcohol and not feeling like a social outcast, is to go with the evolution that you are in, and find new social scenes to be a part of where being sober is normal. This is the key. Then it’s not weird. You may outgrow friends, scenes, venues, and your old self, but there is always another tribe, another version of you that is waiting with open arms.

Cheers!

Indulgence

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Some days are simply meant for indulging. Today has been one of those glorious days. I have pampered myself with a soak in the bath, eaten delicious food that is usually considered my some times food which included an amazing baked camembert and garlic tiger bread loaf, romped around and had an amazing time with my husband, and generally had a low key, lazy day and it’s been fabulous.

The beauty of this day in particular is that it happens to fall on a weekend. It just so happens that my husband is home. It just so happens that the weather was grey and not inviting for hanging outside. It was a lovely inside autumn day and I am so thankful that we were able to take advantage of it.

When working with someone else’s schedule, it’s a lot harder to go with the feeling of the day. When deadlines are looming or you have to be inside the office like most people working 8 to 5, Monday through Friday, you don’t get to indulge in how you feel very often. It’s interesting, it’s like we have to squish it down and put on the hard hat and go in no matter how we feel, unless of course you are really sick, you are there. The days of indulgence are partial, a short 4 hour window after work ends and bed time begins, or the 2 days on the weekend, but that is it.

Somehow we’ve all agreed that this way of working 5 days on and 2 days off is okay. That it’s more important to work for someone else doing what they want, than to spend time building your own family and your own business. I see it as freedom, and the lifestyle of the truly rich who are able to have the flexibility to work when they want.

Hedonism always comes to mind when I think of indulging, and being a bit hedonistic is fine, everything in moderation. Perhaps if we didn’t have these obligations in place where we are expected to be someplace and need to go in order to have money to live and provide for others, then maybe people would just waste away. I’d like to think that if people didn’t have that obligation, then instead they would use their time and creativity to solve problems in the world, to learn how to love more deeply, and give back in other ways.

If learning to listen to ourselves is a big block in being self directed, it would make sense because we have been taught and have learned so well to fit into a schedule created by someone else. It starts from school, and then goes into the labour force, all Monday through Friday from about 8am until 4 or 5pm. This is the life schedule of working for someone else for most people in the western world.

I have a strong feeling, based on my own experience, that once that habit of fitting into someone else’s schedule has been broken, a new thought pattern will arise, naturally. Then it’s a prime opportunity to create a better, more empowered version of life that one can take ownership. Perhaps this would simply be because it’s easier to listen to your own wants and needs when the other is no longer being enforced.

These indulgent days are so needed. Time to recharge, reenergise, and rest always brings about new energy to keep moving forward and pursuing what is important in life.

Unlived Lives

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I have long thought about the fact that I can only recognise in others, what already exists in myself. This is notable when I have any emotion arise based on my interaction with others, it’s because of how I feel about it, about them, which is something that I completely own.

Michael Rowland says that these shards of a personality are developed when you are growing up in situations where you weren’t accepted and supported for being a certain way or expressing certain emotions. This makes sense, as a way of coping in society and a way to fit into your immediate social environment. Well meaning relatives likely don’t realise that when they are making fun of a young person that they are impacting them in ways that they cannot fathom in that moment.

For instance, I was always made fun of when I would try to sing when I was younger. My dad in his humours way would say that “you can’t carry a tune, not even in a bucket”. He would say it jokingly and didn’t mean any harm, but by making me a butt of his joke, I took on the false notion that I cannot sing. When I was an adult and took singing lessons, I cried and cried during my very first one. I had so much fear around being able to sing that I froze up and just sobbed. Pretty serious. Thankfully I am not one to shy away from growth or things that I am afraid of, especially if there is no apparent reason, so I continued and it did get easier.

At that stage in life I had surrounded myself with very creative people who were up on stage singing and acting, two things I hadn’t really done in public before. They were living out my unlived life. Steven Pressfield talks about this in his book “The War of Art” and when I read it, I immediately translated it to the reflections that I have always known. How true it is and how often have I been in situations where I see my friends doing something and it sparks a thought inside of myself to either go closer or step away from them. It isn’t about doing what everyone else is doing, it’s just taking notice of what is going on and choosing my actions.

If all the unlived lives I have are around me right now, I would say that my husband in his powerful go-getter position in a forward thinking corporation, is definitely one. I support him and am so happy that he is happy doing it. I am also happy to not live out that kind of life first hand myself anymore. However, when we first met, he was a theatre guy and I did end up getting on stage and performing. I did live out that unlived life and it felt terrifying and strange and I am so glad I did it.

So now, I am just keeping an eye out to see who I am admiring, who I am looking up to, and what unlived lives I am yet to live.

Resistance and Steven Pressfield

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In “The War of Art” Steven Pressfield discusses Resistance with a capital R as the nemesis to actually doing and creating the work you are meant to create. I’m about half way through the book, which I mostly read after bub has gone to bed at night, or in the precious private moments I have in the bathroom. Funny that I would take a book that will obviously have a profound impact about how I create, into the loo. I have to laugh about this.

If I look at the bathroom as a metaphor, it is the place of letting go of what is no longer needed. How amazingly appropriate is it that I would be reading a book about overcoming, moving past, letting go of the resistance, the constipation, the delay of the next stage, in the bathroom, specifically on the toilet. This is incredibly amusing to me. It fits my life so well too.

He talks about how we will enlist people in our lives who are living out our unfulfilled lives as a way to not do the work ourselves. As I spoke to a dear friend of mine last night, she was telling me about a book she is writing along with the short stories she has submitted for recognition and money. She is taking a self publishing course, and has a writing coach. I could hear her enthusiasm and I felt happy that she was doing this, and I have full faith that he will do well with this. She is dedicated to the cause, she gets in there, and is a highly ambitious person. Her partner is also a creative guy and both hold regular hours in jobs that are meaningful for them.

As I was taking in what she was telling me, I immediately realised that she was living out an unlived life of mine. One that I have kept secret more or less, in the way that I don’t go about saying “I’m a writer” and “I’m writing a book”. Although when I returned from living in Brazil, I did say just that, but partly because my ego was so hurt and I felt like I needed to have something to say that I did. Honestly I was writing a lot in the form of journal entries or blog posts, but it never fully eventuated. Oh boy that feeling sucks. When you’ve then told people you are doing something and then it doesn’t happen for whatever reason, or doesn’t happen as fast as anyone thinks it will. I would like to avoid that feeling as much as possible, so I don’t say things like that now. Instead I quietly keep it to myself.

So I didn’t mention to my friend that I have been regularly posting on my blog again. I didn’t mention again that it’s a goal of mine to publish work that matters to me and I hope that will positively influence people in the world. I didn’t mention any of this. I did have fear arise. I thought what if she writes about my own personal life, she knows so much and my life is so rich.

This makes me baulk at the idea now, its’ still could happen, but I don’t think she would jeopardise our friendship like that by telling my story from her lens, or at least I hope she wouldn’t’. It did however, spur fear into me. Fear is another form of Resistance. Fear stops us from succeeding even before beginning. Fear is the bedfellow of failure and I recognised it straight away. So what am I to do?

The natural competitiveness in me started to rise, I could feel it. I then thought what if I also start writing short stories and submitting them for recognition and money. Then I felt bad, because I only know of the idea because of her. That is also fear, that is fear of success before it even happens. I must move past this and recognise that it is again Resistance in the form of Fear.

Next the fire inside of me started to burn and said, WRITE MORE! Get your story out. Keep writing, continue to make this a habit just as I have my meditation practice, just as I have made it a habit to have a pot of tea with my husband in the morning. Create the habit.

The point of all this is that I can see Resistance in so many areas of my life, and now that I can identify it, I can and will do something about it. Steven Pressfield then goes on to say that if you hold your regular hours of writing, and your muse will show up there. I have found that if I wait until late at night, I am too tired, so I need to make it in the morning while my husband looks after bub. The thing is if I commit to saying I will do this every single day no matter what and something arises, then I will have more Resistance. So for now, I will just continue to commit to writing as of I have lately and let Resistance lose its’ power.

Love My Body

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I just caught a glimpse of my shadow as I walked upstairs. It’s morning, there’s a dewy kind of autumn fog outside, but inside it’s cozy, the perfect temperature to get you going in the morning. I saw my beautiful shadow with it’s hourglass like structure, the indention of my waist, the soft curves of my hips. It caught me off guard, even my shadow is lovely.

This may sound narcissistic. It may sound self absorbed. Truth is that it’s taken me a total shake up of my view of myself to fully come to love my body in the way that I do. I wasn’t one of those girls that struggled with body image when they were in high school or in their early 20s. I have been blessed in life to be tall, blonde, and with very nice large breasts. I am lucky, and it truly has been luck of the draw. I didn’t develop hips until I was in my mid-20s and now after having a child and being in my mid 30s, they are nicely filled out. How lovely to have curves.

When I see my reflection in the mirror I think good thoughts, I look at my caesarian scar and although it has never properly healed, I look at it with love. I see my body as a whole through eyes of love and that feels great.

How to get to this stage I guess could be the question. How to get to a point where you love your body and cherish it in such ways? Does it need to take one, err two, near death experiences to create this kind of loving awareness? Does it need to take hundreds and hundreds of hours of meditation to come to a state where love is the lens in which one looks through? Do you have to go through partners who didn’t appreciate your body and to partners who just about worshiped it in order to feel a sense of pride in your own appearance? Do you have to have your body in shambles and then rebuild it to understand the importance of maintaining your health and wellbeing which directly affects the way your body looks and feels?

If I knew how to pinpoint how to love and appreciate your body in a direct that would be helpful. However, when looking at my own life, it’s as always, a myriad of rich experiences that have cultivated this sense of self and again, I am lucky. I love you body. Thank you for everything.