The New Era of Husband

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My husband is already an incredible man.

I admire him for his strength, endurance and capacity to always think outside of the box.

He is genuine, he is original, he is completely and utterly authentic.

I learn something from him in one way or another, every single day.

Now that my darling husband is a father, things have changed.

You might think, oh no… things have gone downhill since baby arrived.

But, no.

In fact, life has just gotten that much richer, that much deeper, and that much fuller.

My husband as a father is beyond words.

He is unbelievably caring and nurturing to myself and our son.

As I continue to think that I love this man as much as I can love,

I then love him even more.

Seeing him with our baby melts me, it excites me, and makes me feel so much love.

The joy that is derived from our household right now is contagious.

The joy is so think and so omnipresent that even if we are sleep deprived,

things always seem to brighten up and go our way.

My husband is absolutely my life partner,

he is my soul mate

he is my everything.

By far the greatest love of my life and I am blessed to know him, to be with him, to experience life with him.

It is through our love that we have created our own family and it feels so fuqing good!

Little Prince A

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This baby is in need of emotional support.

His motor skills and other areas of development are above average

yet emotionally he still needs a lot of care and extra attention.

This is A OK for me.

This Little Prince, Baby A gets a ton of love

from myself

from my partner

from random strangers

from friends and family

He is a light and people see it.

Perhaps his light needs other’s lights to help shine brighter

by reflecting back their own light and illuminating all

this is the same as his mama!

I guess we see in others what we see or recognise in ourselves.

Little Prince A is of royal cloth this is for sure – especially emotionally.

20 Weeks

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20 weeks, 12 weeks “corrected”

He stands and supports his own weight

He grabs at objects

He makes eye contact

Smiles, oh those smiles!

Laughs at times,

Makes strong eye contact

Sucks really hard – I have hickeys!

He’s massively determined and makes grunting sounds of effort

He wants to taste everything:

Mom, Dad, Teddy, any toy, tissue, hands, anything that he can put into his mouth!

He has a super strong grip – maybe stronger than mine!

Our super baby no longer looks like a premie!

He has filled out with a double chin and leg rolls!

He is an absolute joy.

 

Pure Joy

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Baby lights up when speaking

he gets out his words

as pure joy exudes from his being

he is pure delight

last night I had tears of Joy

joy so strong brought about by my own boy

my own son

my son!

my sun!!!

Such a blessing

I love getting to interact with him

to engage

to be so totally present

and in love

in joy.

Pure Baby

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Being a mum is beyond

having a baby of my own

a little person

a new being in this world

who smiles even alone

and sees everything for the first time

who has no prejudice

no preconceived notions

he’s completely and totally open

he gets grumpy

he cries

he owns his emotions completely

he is so beautiful in his way of who he is

so pure and so natural

 

 

 

 

New Memories

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Recently I’ve come to specifically replace a newer better image in my mind’s eye with something not so pleasant that I have seen recently. With the bombardment with the media flashing sensationalised images, scenes and stories at us all the time, there are moments where despite my avoidance of the news, that somehow it comes into my peripheral reality.

For instance, I saw an image of a child that had not been treated well when I was reading another news related article on parenting. I did not come to that site for the bad image, nor was that the topic of what I was reading, but it was in the sidebar of suggested articles to read. It was disturbing enough that I thought about that image constantly over the next few days.

Then came a moment where I said to myself that enough is enough and I need to do something to change this. So, I started to imagine a healthy, happy and smiling child as a replacement. The image of a bright and beautiful child who has been well taken care of and obviously loved. This image of love and health is now becoming the dominate image in my mind when it is pulled up in my memory.

It is taking conscious effort to create this change in my mind. At first there was a delay and it felt hard to superimpose this image onto. However, after doing it again and again, it now is almost automatic. Eventually in my minds eye, the loving image will prevail.

I know that I can do this with stories, but this is the first time I’ve consciously done it with an image. I know the power of it and I know there is room for deep healing in this process. It isn’t about sweeping a bad image under the rug, but it is about being aware that in my world, I get to choose what stays in it and how it stays. I am responsible for my subconscious and I am responsible for how I operate in this world. I know that I am sensitive, so if I employ these tactics, it will indeed help me to acknowledge that the other exists, but to still walk in the light.

Incredibly Full

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Full

Full of the son

Full of the light

If I were a cup I’d be at the brim

yet

I’m only at 26 weeks.

How much more can I inflate?

stretch?

I see him moving

regularly

protruding in my belly

cliffs are formed

waves are created

and then silence.

Incredibly Full

my body is

a house for another

for a new soul

for the emerging sun.

Incredibly full

until my cup

my body

filleth over.

14 more weeks

of feeling

of learning what I can take

of gestating this being

of using my body fully.

Total Transformation

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It has occurred to me in such a magnanimous way today out of seemingly nowhere, that I am undergoing the most profound and ultimate transformation of my entire life. I am reminded of this truth when I look to my navel and see that it now protrudes substantially from my core, that my belly has stretched in ways it has never known before in order to house the growing love being inside of my body. The emotional and physical flares that arise in the way of stuffy noses, tiredness, sensitivity, extreme joy, blissfulness and heightened sexual energy, all of which comes in waves and reminds me that I am amidst change. My mind is morphing with the hormones and the additional heart that is growing inside of my body. My mind may be having some conflict, which is creating these physical and emotional reactions, but nonetheless, my mind, my body, my emotional landscape are all changing in every single moment.

It is surreal to think that as I type this, as sit here thinking about life in the current state of now, that I have within me, not just one heart, not just one brain, but two of each. My body and spirit are feeding and giving life to another human being in this very moment. It feels slightly superhuman and absolutely divine as there are no other words to identify with right now. It feels like the idea of unison has been achieved and is happening all now. It was the united love and intimacy that brought this about. It is the joint wishing for this amongst an altar to Shiva, Ganesh & Paravati. It is the manifestation of our love on our wedding day, which allowed for this divine act of creating new life, creating a third life out of two.

It is only now that I am ready and prepared for this. It is only now that I am able to completely give of myself this transformation, this life changing process. It is only now that I truly love myself, that I found true love in another, which has prepared me.

I am learning lessons in each moment. I am learning how to be more kind to myself, to be more generous and gentle with who I am. My energy comes in waves and, sometimes, I just need to take it easy. This self love and compassion is growing daily which I know I will need once I give birth and am responsible for another. The fierceness of love and loyalty I feel for my husband is growing stronger and stronger. There is nothing greater to me in this world right now that the two of us, and our child that is growing inside of me, it is my family that takes complete priority above all else. It is in the ability to convert my own research and knowledge of food and nutrition that I am now able to easily create healthy meals for us. This may sound trivial and if this were the younger version of me speaking, she would have been outraged that I would even consider this to be so huge, but it is. I am nourishing myself, my husband, our child, our life with prosperity and healthy in mind.

It’s Thursday. I’m 23 weeks pregnant. I will never again be who I am in this moment, and it has never felt more true than it does now.

Pregnancy Yoga and Flexibility

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Youtube is a rich source of great information. I use it for so many reasons including exercise. Now that I’m pregnant I’ve come to find the niche of Pregnancy Yoga and Pregnancy Pilates. These are like godsends. Short and compact exercise routines that I can just pop on and follow along to. I’ve practiced enough of both Yoga and Pilates to feel confident in my poses and in how I am supposed to hold my body and my breath, so following along with some beautiful pregnant woman is great.

I did get a little cocky and thought that since I handled those butterfly stretches so well, that I’d be able to easily handle painting my own toe nails this evening. Shaking my head. This must be where some things translate and convert easily and then others are drastically different and it’s just not going to be the same, like when you try to freeze cheese and it comes out clumpy but you can freeze soup and it’s all good. Horrible example, but I’m on the cheese end.

Although I did manage to paint my own toenails, I also enticed a ridiculous amount of heartburn because I was bending so much to be accurate with my polish. Was it worth it? I’m not exactly sure at this moment because I’m sitting here typing with terrible heartburn that feels like it is corroding my entire throat even after a big swig of antacid. Yay!

I am glad though that I am flexible enough to still be able to do it, if it weren’t for the heartburn I would have a much better outlook onto this. Thankfully my years of paying attention to my body have paid off in some ways.

Thankfully my husband was kind enough to finish off the second coat of my toenail polish. He’s definitely my one.

Heartburn I Loathe You

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Yes, this entire post is dedicated to heartburn.

I understand from researching it that heartburn is something that effects some 2/3rds of pregnant women. I also understand it’s from a surge of hormones coupled with a continuing diminishing of space inside of my body to make room for the baby and it’s growth. Okay, fine.

What I don’t understand is the reason why we get heartburn anyway. I already know I can only eat small meals through out the day. I already know that my organs are making way because it’s harder for me to be move around and bend. I already know how this is, so what is the biological signal this is flagging?

When pain is triggered it is a flag to stop doing whatever you’re doing. I get this, it makes sense. But heartburn? Really?

I read ways to try to minimize it which included not to lay down, bend, and not eat much. Okay. Okay. As for remedies milk doesn’t seem to help for too long, I am not usually an over the counter medicine person but now I’m hitting the antacid liquid like it’s my job, I don’t even really mind the thickness nor the strong licorice taste now because I know it brings some relief and I find comfort in that.