alone

The Heart Breaker

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I don’t want to be a heart breaker  

I want to find balance between giver and taker

I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup

I want to love you dearly

But surely I know I will want to break up

I don’t want to break your heart in the process

Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress

I’ll experience what you have to offer

I’ll see how I am affected by it

And as easily as I’ll fall in love

I’ll fall right back out…

Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route

I wish I knew how to be another way

And still be happy and joyful every day

This is why I need time to be alone

Spending days all on my own

Falling in love with myself and who I am

Learning about me and learning how to stand

I will reach down low and stretch way high

I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor

While I let my mind and soul fly

It has to start with me first

I will try to break my heartbreak curse

As one love once said as he sat still

“If you let me love you, I will”

Now its time for me to instill

This thought of love and acceptance

Of hope and repentance

For me first and then for you

Then in my life I can be one of two

I owe it to myself to do this now

I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how

So, I will do what I think is best

Cutting myself off from the rest

Until I figure out a bit more

Until I reach to the depths of my core

Where I find my own true love for my soul

Then I’ll come back out to play

With a refreshed outlook on the day

Where I can confidently believe and say

“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”

until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,

first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.

A Poem: How Did I Get Here?

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How did I get here?

she questions inside

how did I get here

how can I hide?

 

She found her place

in a lonely space

full of masks and clowns

while living downtown. 

 

Reality was a blur

everything was grey

never had she planned 

for such a day. 

 

The greys turned to black

laughs turned to cries

she often thought

of ways to die. 

 

She was all alone

and out of touch

thinking of it 

all too much. 

 

How did I get here? 

She questions inside

How did I get here?

How can I hide?

 

She was almost depleted

nearly extinct 

as she forced herself

she was on the brink. 

 

It wasn’t her

it never was

but she was there

just because.

A Poem: Not Good At Being Alone

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I’m never good at being alone

I’m soft and pink and not made of stone

I’m very blessed that love is who I am

I’ll show it in my ways – I’ll even hold your hand

I’m not really looking for any major commitment

but I do like to create my own little playland

with the one I choose to be my special man. 

I’ll be real good until I’m done

we’ll laugh and kiss, it’ll be super fun

I’ll make you feel like you’re the only one

we’ll be drunk in love like we’ve been sippin’ rum

we’ll share the sheets, we’ll pillow talk some

we’ll sweat hot and heavy and surely we’ll come

I’ll be open and honest – I’ll hold nothing back

I’ll share everything I carry around in my backpack

my admiration, my inspiration, my open embraces

the energy we create will be seen on our faces. 

you’ll be my everything, but you must beware

I’ll try my best to handle you with care. 

I’m not good at intimate relationships

but I’ll roll the dice and raise the chips. 

They say its better to have loved and lost 

than to never have loved at all

Please remember this during the inevitable fall. 

I’ll still think highly of you as I’m leaving the room

and chances are I’ll continue until I’m in my tomb. 

So lets just share our time together while we can

enjoy the moments while we both still stand. 

I’d like to think you’ll be better off having experienced this bliss

maybe that’s bold, but it all starts with one sweet kiss

an opportunity that is so hard to resist. 

I’ll bask in your affection – You’ll get an erection

we’ll travel down an uncharted path without any direction.