awareness

The Trance

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You see

its all new to me

as novice as i can be

naive to an extreme

i don’t know what it means

i don’t know anything

i can tell how i feel

i’m even compelled to sing

thinking of you

the energy transfers

pulsates and envelops my being

words just come out

motion just happens

the flow is so incredible

but extremely foreign

it makes me nervous

when i’m out of the trance

when i come back to earth

after being higher than…

well, there’s nothing to really compare

shew

exhale

i’m ready to try again

i’m ready to fly again

Inspiration

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I inspire others

others inspire me

trust my instincts

go with that flow

realize it all changes

there’s nothing to hold on to

its all just energy

momentarily held in form

its hard to not be fooled by my eyes

to not trust what I see

but its all just a projection

imagined by me –

the power of the human mind

is beyond comprehension

the endless possibilities

the unlimited potential

the awaiting opportunities

inspiration

growth

Embracing Femininity

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Time to embrace

my god given gift

the all mighty

power of femininity.

my body

my curves

my scent

my vessel

housing my soul.

blessing it is

hard to express

in a conservative society

like the one that exists.

so much more than just flesh

a truth i am starting to understand

something to explore

not to be afraid of

or to feel any shame from

embracing my femininity

at the eve of thirty

in this rebirth i shall

be one with it in all ways i can.

Different Realities

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The environmental changes

the surrounding and the atmosphere

the consumption, the bliss

here or there its all relative

as relative as how my hair smells

how my body reacts

and the scents i create

the feeling of bliss

and how different it is

from place to place

never remaining quite the same

there are common themes

i might add

like being in nature

and enjoying it fruits

its beauty and air

watching it in action

observing

being there

taking it all in

one breath at a time

but even that changes too

so dry is the climate

so dry is the air

this is also the place where

a hummingbird’s wings one can hear

I guess its all relative

the atmosphere and environment dictate it all

A Woman of Extremes

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from the lush smoky mountains

to mother earths red rocks

in a moment it all changes

so quickly i can’t stop.

one extreme to the other

that’s what i do best

i figure that’s the only way to know

to administer a constant self test.

see where i stand

i call it determination

a dreamer and a doer

so they say of my particular day

the last of the zodiac

what more can i say?

a combination of water and fire

of high hopes and desire

of rain and of lightening

never a dull day

the highs and the lows

the lefts and the rights

the gas and the brakes

its all within me.

so i search

i explore

i find

i live

i love

i am.

i am a woman of extremes it seems.

Release, Decompress

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Lots of input

an overload

needing an overhaul

time to decompress

what better place

than where the ol’ coyote howls

the cactus bloom

and the bats fly at night.

the desert

where everything is taken

so appropriate

such a place to release

to review and gain insight

upon myself

upon my journey

upon this life

baring my soul

once again

there is no place to hide.

Saturn Returns… I turn 29 on March 20th

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My life has been in quite a transitional phase since I returned from Brazil. I have been trying to find the place where I feel the best, where I see the “most blue skies” if you will all the while trying to stay true to who I am now, not who I was. It is difficult to do so, when you look similar, you are back in the place where you have spent a lot of time, around old friends, but inside I have changed a lot… I have lived a life that words fail to describe accurately… even so the words I use to describe are relative to my experience, just as they are for everyone… its really all relative from my perspective…
I’ve been back in Yosemite staying with a dear friend who made it a point to pick me up from the airport when I landed back in the states, who has given me a place to stay and has shown me love and care in a way that I thought didn’t really exist in the world anymore. I feel very fortunate and lucky that I have had such a welcome and such a safe place to regroup.
In the past month I have been in a meditation training course in North Fork, California, one that is changing my life… taking what I had learned on the intellectual level to the experiential level and it is blowing me away. Learning that I am the Master of the Mind and I really do create everything in my world. Learning that everything arises and passes away and I cannot be attached to something that is so temporary as it is impersonal and constantly changing. I am actually returning in a few hours back to the Meditation Center to keep learning until I feel like I have this down, I will stay there, it is that important to me right now.
The topic of what sign are you seems to have come up a bit as of late and when I share that I am a Pisces that my birthday is on March 20th and that I am turning 29 the common response has been… ah… Saturn Returns… which I had never really heard of before, so I’ve had people explain it to me and it seems to totally make sense… Apparently, when one is born the planet Saturn is in line somewhere out there in the universe corresponding with your birth date and year. It takes give or take 27-30 years for Saturn to make its cycle back to the same place it was when one was born… and it becomes a time for rebirth… but at an adult stage, where one really finds where they are supposed to be… It becomes a time to rediscover what is important and rearrange life to fit this new self image…
So just as a quick recap… I fell in love and quit my job after 9 years when I was 27 and moved to Brazil… at 28 I realized that I wasn’t the person I was when I left to Brazil… then returned to the states at the end of last year… have been living mainly back in Yosemite where I lived and worked for five years feeling totally in between as I am very different from who I was when I was here last… now I am approaching 29, back in California where I am from, learning about my bodily sensations and will be meditating in North Fork (the exact center of California) on my birthday learning all about me… seems so appropriate…
I find it to be an interesting coincidence, or not, that most divorces happen amongst people who are 28-30 years old… just at the time that Saturn is returning…
If you are interested in learning more about this meditation training course, they call it a retreat, but it is not a relaxing kind of thing at all… check it out… dhamma.org its incredible… taking it from the intellectual level to the experiential level…
Wishing everyone health, love, happiness, peace and liberation!
jennifer.

Planting New Seeds

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In this meditation course it is brought up that if you continue to plant the same seeds you will reap the same fruit. I am learning to plant new seeds and hopefully in time my efforts will yield different fruit… the fruit from before was good, it was exactly what I needed at the time and I am thankful for the fruit that I have reaped over the years. That fruit continues to be good in my life and I continue to eat it. However, as time has passed I have grown, evolved and changed and am in need of new fruit to help me move forward on my path. I have started planting as of late… and am hopeful that my time has not been used in vain… I don’t think it has… only time will tell…

one cannot plant the same seeds and expect different fruit…