feelings

The Heart Breaker

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I don’t want to be a heart breaker  

I want to find balance between giver and taker

I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup

I want to love you dearly

But surely I know I will want to break up

I don’t want to break your heart in the process

Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress

I’ll experience what you have to offer

I’ll see how I am affected by it

And as easily as I’ll fall in love

I’ll fall right back out…

Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route

I wish I knew how to be another way

And still be happy and joyful every day

This is why I need time to be alone

Spending days all on my own

Falling in love with myself and who I am

Learning about me and learning how to stand

I will reach down low and stretch way high

I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor

While I let my mind and soul fly

It has to start with me first

I will try to break my heartbreak curse

As one love once said as he sat still

“If you let me love you, I will”

Now its time for me to instill

This thought of love and acceptance

Of hope and repentance

For me first and then for you

Then in my life I can be one of two

I owe it to myself to do this now

I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how

So, I will do what I think is best

Cutting myself off from the rest

Until I figure out a bit more

Until I reach to the depths of my core

Where I find my own true love for my soul

Then I’ll come back out to play

With a refreshed outlook on the day

Where I can confidently believe and say

“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”

until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,

first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.

Energy versus Words

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I react to energy, but am swayed by words.

While living in a foreign land I learned that I can only trust what I feel, not just go by the words that come out of the mouth. I had to learn to read energy to know whether they had good intentions or not… I didn’t learn this straightaway, but finally I learned to trust what I felt, to stand tall with my decision and to do what I had to do…  

I see the expression, I see it in it’s true form.

Like anything, when I see it, its with me

I cannot act like I’ve not seen it even if I try…

 

I try to steer clear of false identities

wolves in sheep’s clothing

and the sheep with fangs

I suggest that it all be taken off

until then – I request that you stay away

I don’t know an easier way to convey

that I only want truth and honesty.

 

I only want those around me who want the same

even in places where I see smiling faces

where words do not erase the incongruent

actions of thier body

so please step back away from me old friend

people change i understand

but for christ’s sake don’t try to force

something that isn’t there… whats the point?

 

I want to be true to me

and I want those around me to be true to them too

hopefully we can come together later

on a healthy platform to share what we’ve learned

to exchange ideas and thoughts we’ve earned…

A Poem: Tidal Wave

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Like a tidal wave of chaos, emotion and life hitting me all at once… for a moment I felt like my feet were in the sand, the sun shinning down, a nice breeze and all was going well. I then realized that there was a shadow overhead, something covering up the light, the sun… oh, wait, it is the mighty mighty water that I have learned to love and fear and it is coming my way, I can try to run, but I am so far in now that it is hard… I feel the wind whipping around, I try to run, I try to but it is so hard when you run against the wind in the sand, my feet get really hot, I don’t move so fast, that same heat shocks my body, makes my heart pound but this time it doesn’t help me to get out of the way… the water comes down in a force unlike anything I have really felt before, I am brought under the water, I can see the air but cannot breathe, I can see the light above, but cannot swim up to it, my body is being trashed around, that precious sand is slapping against my body during it all… I just want to get up and out of the water, I want to be on dry land again… my mind takes me to that place or at least how I remember the shore to be. Eventually the tide will return to the ocean, I know this will happen, I just need to keep this thought with me at all times… there will be relief and it will teach me a bit more about life… maybe to stay a little closer to shore… but in it all I must recall that this is where the tidal waves hit…