This is so hard for me
my tender heart is rebroken when we meet
its like a rejection again and again
when i’m around you I want to be back in
the warm and generous nature I know you have
along with your admiration and basking due to my love
you allow it – but each time I’m left so sad.
I try to be cool – most times I think I pull it off
or so I think –
I purposely put a barrier around me for protection
so I won’t continue to get hurt
I try, I try, I try
but its so hard with my broken heart
My heart hurts so bad it physically aches
an emptiness that I can surely feel in my body takes place
I understand where there’s light there too is darkness
this must be the “darker” side of love
oh the emotional pain
I want to kill that mosquito
the one that keeps biting me
and draining my chi
it comes to me in the night
when I have given up the fight
it takes up my energy and doesn’t allow me to write
Please find another body to bother
I want to gain my own closure
but its hard when it is also a haggler
in my mind… possibly so
and even though I’ve left I haven’t fully let go
so it flies around me when my head hits the pillow
I am now a hemisphere away
but it finds me anyway…
I guess I must really be drenched by the rain
for it to leave me and cause me no more pain.
So Let the Rain Fall!
Leave Me Be Mosquito!
I don’t want to be a heart breaker
I want to find balance between giver and taker
I want to fly high, I want to fill your cup
I want to love you dearly
But surely I know I will want to break up
I don’t want to break your heart in the process
Don’t take it personally, it just me… I still want to progress
I’ll experience what you have to offer
I’ll see how I am affected by it
And as easily as I’ll fall in love
I’ll fall right back out…
Don’t take it personally that I chose a different route
I wish I knew how to be another way
And still be happy and joyful every day
This is why I need time to be alone
Spending days all on my own
Falling in love with myself and who I am
Learning about me and learning how to stand
I will reach down low and stretch way high
I’ll try to keep my feet on the floor
While I let my mind and soul fly
It has to start with me first
I will try to break my heartbreak curse
As one love once said as he sat still
“If you let me love you, I will”
Now its time for me to instill
This thought of love and acceptance
Of hope and repentance
For me first and then for you
Then in my life I can be one of two
I owe it to myself to do this now
I’ve not done it before, I’m not really sure how
So, I will do what I think is best
Cutting myself off from the rest
Until I figure out a bit more
Until I reach to the depths of my core
Where I find my own true love for my soul
Then I’ll come back out to play
With a refreshed outlook on the day
Where I can confidently believe and say
“I love my self whole-heartedly for who I am”
until this happens I will not accept another person’s heart in my hand,
first I must know about myself in order to know love and understand.