new beginnings

On the Road Again

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In a few short hours

I’ll be on the road again

waving a fond farewell to the desert

while heading back to the state

where it all began.

this time in a different way

I’ve learned about life and love

following my intuition

and making the most of every day.

there is so much out there

in this expansive world of ours

a variety of different lives to live

an abundance of options

a plethora of fragrant flowers

so many things to waste away the hours.

Tomorrow I’m heading on the road again

who knows what the future holds

but I am sure as time progresses

and I keep trekking down my path

that life will continue to open up

love will be found all around

and once again I will overfill my cup.

Happy New Year 2009!

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This year is about growth and prosperity.

A year of truth and discovery.

Where opportunity abounds where great things will be found.

I can say this with the utmost confidence

that we will know more about kindness and patience

as we learn about our own individual preference

and how to incorporate that into the balance.

 

A year of listening to the inner voice

of knowing the self and singing in rejoice

Of being grateful for where we are

while taking time to look up at the stars.

 

The light will shine bright in 2009

lessons will be learned to know that I am mine,

over tasty glasses of red wine

slowing down the time.

 

Happy New Year! Learn to be your very best You!

Take time to learn what you’ve gone through

And always remember what you get is up to you!

A Poem: Time to Get Healthy

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I’m well aware its time to get healthy. 

How can I serve myself when I feel so filthy?

I overthink, I don’t let go – my mind is a messy clutter. 

My visions blurred, it makes me feel lost and fluttered. 

I constantly replay the scenes from my past

then I skip to now to compare and contrast. 

 

It does me no good to live my life this way

I’m ready to be carefree an relearn how to play. 

So I drive by myself down the lonely highway

to pick up fruit and a big fragrant bouquet. 

The flowers make me smile and I gain some headway, 

my mood starts to lighten and the grey goes away. 

It’s simple pleasures like these that make me so gay –

an easy slow drive through the mountains on a Tuesday 

that remind me I know how to climb the big stairway. 

I’m really good at closing myself off,

but its because of this that I’ve finally read Chekhov. 

 

I have one foot on the step, my hand is gripping the rail. 

I get real distracted and want a pale ale. 

I shake that urge, I refocus and consciously exhale. 

I need all my energy or else I might bail

and I can’t do that nor can I fail. 

I know I have a long journey ahead, 

I’m resisting the temptation to give up and be led.

So I’m finally pulling myself together

striving everyday to be a little better.

 

It has to be easier than I’m making it

so I’m reframing the window so I can benefit.

I’ve been learning quite a bit and still have more to go

I know its up to me how long I’m gonna row.

I have to have faith that it will happen

as I’m climbing the stairs out of the canyon

making my own pace while slaying my dragons 

working my way up so I can sit in the wind and listen to the aspen.

A Poem: A Big Exhale

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Ahh… a big exhale

as I scribe on my page

backwards and left

releasing the rage. 

 

The gates are open

in fact – they’re broken

its all coming out

with fury while soakin’ 

and drenching my soul

with love and honesty

as brutal as its been

its just about to begin

the healing I need

to be whole once again. 

 

Ahh… a big exhale

as I write my own page

for my own story

outside of the cage. 

 

It feels great to be

on my way to be me

funky and true 

and finally free.

A Poem: And The She Woke

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one day she woke

she couldn’t breathe

she felt so sick

and was touched by the breeze.

 

The breeze turned to wind

as it swallowed her sin

she was standing still

while starting to spin.

 

The spin turned her ’round

shook her upside down – 

a little sideways

until she found…

 

She had been so lost

so off track

all she could think of

was heading back.

 

She’ll never be the same

it’s been a blessing in disguise

she had to fall down

before she could rise.

 

Now she’s found home

and flipped on the light

better than ever

and not having to fight.

 

She agreed with herself

to get up and go

from the valleys to the mountains

for reasons only she knows.

The Blank Page Apprehension

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A feeling of apprehension usually fills me before I start to fill a new journal. The blank page staring at me begging me to begin. Daring me to do something bold, something different, something extraordinary. The feeling that I must make that first page something extra special used to create this enormous feeling of anxiety. It has to start somewhere, but how to start? How to start that will make this one a bit different than the last? How to outdo myself from the last time?

There have definitely been times, especially when I would have a beautiful new journal with specially designed pages, where I would be sooo anxious of what to write, that I would delay writing in it! I would hold the thoughts in my head and sometimes I would even lose them. Then in a mad rush I would scribe like a hungry man would eat his first meal in days. Word after word, page after page, with my hand starting to cramp, yet, I still continued on.

Nowadays, on a meager budget in order to buy such luxury items, I now use your basic run of the mill spril notebook with lined pages. I have learned that you really can never judge a book by its cover and I must say there is so much less pressure in an ordinary journal than a designer one. In the end it is all me anyway. So I am starting this new blog as I would any of my recent journals… by just writing out what is in my head and seeing where it takes me. No premeditation, no apprehension and no worries.

Of course this applies to any new project… whether that be a blank piece of art paper in front of me, a blank word document before I start to write a story or even when I am just starting out decorating a room… the thing I have learned though is that you have to just go for it. If you stall, if you procrastinate, the magic in that moment is lost. It will never be the same, maybe the next time around it is better, but maybe not… I never know.

So for now, I am letting it all out. The beauty of a blog post is that I can add to it later, I can take unnecessary words away and I can even delete it if necessary. This blog is not going to be really limited, although in my head I have this thought that I should keep it to just a few simple subject, but I am going to just throw that out the window for now and write on.

The maelstrom of thoughts now have a place!

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I am so excited to finally have a forum for me to release the maelstrom of thoughts that swirl, dip and dive through my head. An outlet other than my journal, one that is open to eyes other than my own. Putting myself out there, not being afraid of the 30% of people that will not like it at all, hoping that the other 60% or so will and might be inspired or might find some kind of relation to what I write about. I feel like I am truly starting out on a new and unknown path and cannot wait to see what happens.