poem

Actions Not Words

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“Actions speak louder than words” 

yet I still believe what you say

but I don’t understand why you lie. 

Why not tell the truth

be honest and lay it out

not just spurt a firearm of words

from your mouth and into the air

slow it down

think about what you really want

find who you are

and be honest of high how you set the bar.

I don’t want to be around a liar

someone who just says what they think I want to hear

I’d rather be alone with my own ideas, thoughts and actions

than to have someone like that near

so stay away until you’re ready to speak

straight from the heart

of thoughts that are real

and true feelings that you feel. 

Prove it with what you do

and you’ll understand

why I find this to be such a virtue.

Vessel

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Sitting in silence

listening to my breath

without a thought of regret

my mind wanders 

to the term “vessel” 

I realize in this moment

that’s what makes me tangible

it houses my soul

it houses my mind

in this thought I’m aware of time

not in the societal sense

but in physical birth, growth, aging and death

Another thought kept passing through

lyrics that I love to listen to

“know what I want, know what I can get…”

and I’m reminded only physical limitations can be set

in this life I’m really well off 

with a strong mind and an interior so soft.

The Same

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You and me we are the same

we only answer to a different name

we both have a book of life

where we have our individual chapters of strife

we both have physical bodies and brains

we both have the ability to take the reigns

just like me if you belief it – its true

making a special moment out of the blue

from the windows in which we look through

you have the choice to do the right thing

to dance to the songs that you sing

to write them yourself and make your own way

to cherish whats within our reach every single day

Sheltered Inner Beauty

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I talked to an old friend today, someone I spent time with a long time ago, she said she had been looking for me and that she was moving. It was great to hear her voice, I had been recently thinking of her as well as she signed my going away print of the hotel when I left years ago, so the timing was perfect. I love how that works out.

A lot has happened since we last spoke, her daughter and grandchildren had already moved out East and her and her husband leave at the end of this week. They traveled around a bit and found a farm in Missouri where they will soon be calling home together. This made my heart smile and I know she could hear it over the phone. I wished her the best and we agreed to try to not lose touch like that again.

I gave her a brief nutshell of what has happened in my life and that I am writing about it now, I told her I didn’t regret going at least I found out that it wasn’t true love, that it was what it was and I have grown from it. I said it was a hard stage of life, but that I am glad I went through it. She commented that I have been so sheltered in life. I agreed. I have. I have been very sheltered in a lot of ways, but I didn’t ask her in which ways, I just assumed we were speaking of the same way… she said that I didn’t even know how sheltered I was… and I said, of course I didn’t… I didn’t think I was sheltered… I can see that I have been very sheltered. It was interesting that this would come about in a nine minute conversation after not being in communication in a couple of years.

This stayed with me and when Rachel returned home for lunch I told her about the conversation and she said she also thought I had been sheltered, but then she reframed and said that sheltered wasn’t the word she would choose, she thought for a moment, and said that I was priveleged. Priveleged and I didn’t know it. She then asked me if I realized how much inner beauty I have because of this. She said that I have inner beauty that shines to my outer beauty, that my inner beauty is just as wonderful as my outer… I didn’t know how to take such a comment or compliment, but I tried and I replied that at times I feel like I do, but other times I really don’t and it isn’t something that I think about… she said that was part of it… 

 

She says to me

You don’t know your inner beauty

do you?

You feel you’ve been sheltered

but I think you’ve been priveleged

you don’t know your limitations

you haven’t experienced a lot of rejection

like most have with time

I say I’ve just been really lucky

to have had great people around me

gorgeous, wonderful, kind people

who are deserving of the trust I give

and they have shown me that its okay just to be

I’ve just been really lucky in life

to have been in really great environments

along my path of life…

I have experienced a lot of positivity in life

it has affected me and I love that

I am fortunate

so call it priveleged or sheltered

I sure am glad to be who I am. 😀

Happy New Year 2009!

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This year is about growth and prosperity.

A year of truth and discovery.

Where opportunity abounds where great things will be found.

I can say this with the utmost confidence

that we will know more about kindness and patience

as we learn about our own individual preference

and how to incorporate that into the balance.

 

A year of listening to the inner voice

of knowing the self and singing in rejoice

Of being grateful for where we are

while taking time to look up at the stars.

 

The light will shine bright in 2009

lessons will be learned to know that I am mine,

over tasty glasses of red wine

slowing down the time.

 

Happy New Year! Learn to be your very best You!

Take time to learn what you’ve gone through

And always remember what you get is up to you!

A Poem: Tidal Wave

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Like a tidal wave of chaos, emotion and life hitting me all at once… for a moment I felt like my feet were in the sand, the sun shinning down, a nice breeze and all was going well. I then realized that there was a shadow overhead, something covering up the light, the sun… oh, wait, it is the mighty mighty water that I have learned to love and fear and it is coming my way, I can try to run, but I am so far in now that it is hard… I feel the wind whipping around, I try to run, I try to but it is so hard when you run against the wind in the sand, my feet get really hot, I don’t move so fast, that same heat shocks my body, makes my heart pound but this time it doesn’t help me to get out of the way… the water comes down in a force unlike anything I have really felt before, I am brought under the water, I can see the air but cannot breathe, I can see the light above, but cannot swim up to it, my body is being trashed around, that precious sand is slapping against my body during it all… I just want to get up and out of the water, I want to be on dry land again… my mind takes me to that place or at least how I remember the shore to be. Eventually the tide will return to the ocean, I know this will happen, I just need to keep this thought with me at all times… there will be relief and it will teach me a bit more about life… maybe to stay a little closer to shore… but in it all I must recall that this is where the tidal waves hit…

A Poem: Butterfly Art

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My visions blurred with butterfly wings

the stars are all around me

I’m back to back with the moon

with the sun shining so I can see.

 

I dance between the yellow and the blue

I hide nothing and strive to be true.

I’m not always in the sun

but I’m also not trying to run.

 

There is a balance in the light

that expands and stretches into the night

where the butterfly finally takes flight

where everything is intense and right.

 

Inspired by Drea’s Art on 11.27.08

A Poem: Time to Get Healthy

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I’m well aware its time to get healthy. 

How can I serve myself when I feel so filthy?

I overthink, I don’t let go – my mind is a messy clutter. 

My visions blurred, it makes me feel lost and fluttered. 

I constantly replay the scenes from my past

then I skip to now to compare and contrast. 

 

It does me no good to live my life this way

I’m ready to be carefree an relearn how to play. 

So I drive by myself down the lonely highway

to pick up fruit and a big fragrant bouquet. 

The flowers make me smile and I gain some headway, 

my mood starts to lighten and the grey goes away. 

It’s simple pleasures like these that make me so gay –

an easy slow drive through the mountains on a Tuesday 

that remind me I know how to climb the big stairway. 

I’m really good at closing myself off,

but its because of this that I’ve finally read Chekhov. 

 

I have one foot on the step, my hand is gripping the rail. 

I get real distracted and want a pale ale. 

I shake that urge, I refocus and consciously exhale. 

I need all my energy or else I might bail

and I can’t do that nor can I fail. 

I know I have a long journey ahead, 

I’m resisting the temptation to give up and be led.

So I’m finally pulling myself together

striving everyday to be a little better.

 

It has to be easier than I’m making it

so I’m reframing the window so I can benefit.

I’ve been learning quite a bit and still have more to go

I know its up to me how long I’m gonna row.

I have to have faith that it will happen

as I’m climbing the stairs out of the canyon

making my own pace while slaying my dragons 

working my way up so I can sit in the wind and listen to the aspen.

A Poem: How Did I Get Here?

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How did I get here?

she questions inside

how did I get here

how can I hide?

 

She found her place

in a lonely space

full of masks and clowns

while living downtown. 

 

Reality was a blur

everything was grey

never had she planned 

for such a day. 

 

The greys turned to black

laughs turned to cries

she often thought

of ways to die. 

 

She was all alone

and out of touch

thinking of it 

all too much. 

 

How did I get here? 

She questions inside

How did I get here?

How can I hide?

 

She was almost depleted

nearly extinct 

as she forced herself

she was on the brink. 

 

It wasn’t her

it never was

but she was there

just because.